Indonesia
 NKRI (Negara Komedi Republik Indonesia) Comedy Republic of Indonesia | |||||
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| Motto: "Bhinneka Tunggal Ika" "Unite We Fall Divide We Win- Tribe Union"' | |||||
| Anthem: "Dangdut" "Great Indonesia" | |||||
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| Capital | Bali (main) | ||||
| Previous capital | Bali | ||||
| Largest city | Bali | ||||
| Official language(s) | Indonesia | ||||
| Government | Dictatore | ||||
| Declaration of Independence |
1800 from Dutch Merchants with Guns 1811 from the Dutch with Guns 1815 from the Lost British Fleets 1942 from the Dutch Immigrants 1945 from the Nippon Gundam Army 1949 from the Dutch Capitalists 1965 from Sukarno 1998 from Suharto | ||||
| Currency | Bribe Money | ||||
| Religion | 10% Muslims 10% Infidels 80% Gold-diggers | ||||
| Population | 250 million babies per second | ||||
| Internet TLD | (Indomie Telor Kornet)The best in the state | ||||
| Calling code | 666 | ||||
Indonesia is the funniest country in Southeast Asia. Indonesia was once a great conqueror of Southeast Asia. 75,000 years ago, Indonesia declared war on the rest of the earth when Mt. Toba erupted, causing 10 years of darkness across the earth and depositing 6 inches of ash across South Asia. Only 3,000–10,000 humans survived worldwide. Over the millennium, Indonesia has since fallen from its former military might and is now a corrupted third world country whose 250 million proudly savage inhabitants insist that they are living in an ethnically and religiously diverse society that's the worlds 16th largest economy; but they are mostly Muslim, so this must all just be a mirage.
Indonesia, including Bali, is also a popular tourist destination, for suicidal, obese, inbred tourists who are hoping to wind up on the gallows for having a small amount of marijuana residue stuck in their shoe tread.
History
Indonesian prehistory consisted mostly of ruins, skeletons, broken pottery, and fraudulent archeological discoveries. According to current evidence, Indonesian "civilization" started when the first Indonesian king, the Java Man, suddenly evolved from a prehistoric hominid into a human being around 300 BCE.
Ancient Kingdoms
Indonesia was initially united under the kingdom of Surya Tatamungil, whose name translates into "Sun Microsystems." This kingdom is the origin of the Java language, since stolen by Indian data entry keyboard monkeys . Surya Tatamungil stole adopted the culture of early Indian civilization around 500 AD. The ancient Indians charged Indonesians royalties for the use of Indian innovations and ancient Bollywood books, especially the Kama Sutra. However, the Indonesians had already discovered and developed corruption sciences and so never paid their bills, pretending to have never received them. Indian call centers continued to harass Indonesians for their overdue bills, but the Indonesians dodged the bills by feigning inability to understand the Indians' bad English. This treachery bankrupted the ancient Indian Empires, causing widespread poverty in India that continues to this day. Oddly enough, Indonesia and India are currently partners in Project People Bomb in which the populations of the two nations plan to breed uncontrollably until the earth explodes.
Indonesia eventually became a major trading post in the ancient world, especially to facilitate trade between the Australian Empire and the Roman Empire. Contact with Indonesians subsequently bankrupted both empires, even boomeranging Australia back to the stone age. Major commodities from Indonesia today include spices (cloves, marijuana, cilantro, and spice girls) and slave labor.
Dutch Colonialism
Attracted by abundant cheap domestic servants, the promise of clogs made from exotic woods and women without nipples the size of hamburger patties, the Dutch attempted to invade Indonesia using windmill-powered ships which tipped over and sank. The sailors sank as well since they were wearing wooden shoes. After switching to ordinary ships and shoes, the Dutch eventually conquered Indonesia, establishing the Dutch East Indies to monopolize the drug and sex trade. This legacy of success is evident in the culture of Netherlands today.
Gundam Battle Assault
In 1942, during the period of Great Happiness and Prosperity, Indonesia was colonized liberated and guided by the Glorious Empire of Dainippon Teikoku as part of the East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere. Since then, thousands of Gundams patrol the borders of Indonesia.
Japan, being a nation full of horny old fart and perverts honorable samurai and courageous patriotic soldiers, deported astounding numbers of Indonesian girls for sexual slavery lucrative employment opportunities. The resulting shortage of working women potential female employees devastated the Indonesian economy. The new government of Japan rerets the damage done to the Indonesian economy, and has agreed to provide Indonesia with [[Hentai as a form of sincere apology.
An Indonesian named Sukarno successfully announced a declaration of Indonesian independence. Since the Dutch thought it funny to kill any Indonesian who dared learn to read let alone form a government, Sukarno successfully nominated and voted for himself as president and subsequently won an absolute majority. By consensus of the masses, the chosen form of government at the time was absolute dictatorship. Sukarno also developed and propagated his ideology of Pancasila (lit. "the [chicken of] five spices"), inspired by the sight of his wife cooking fried chicken. (Pancasila doctrine also helped Indonesia resist the vile influences of KFC at that time.) Thus, under the auspices of Pancasilaist dictatorship, Indonesia was born as a modern country in August 1945.
1949 Invasion
In 1949, President Sukarno declared war on the war-torn Netherlands to assert Indonesian independence. The irritated Dutch responded by launching an invasion of Easter Island due to faulty maps they had picked up at a Belgian petrol station run by Pakistanis. After negotiations, the Dutch agreed to leave Easter Island as long as Indonesia provided cheap prostitutes and methamphetamines .
Orde Baru Empire
Being an otaku, Sukarno spent too much time alone with his arts instead of managing the newborn nation, and his leadership quality fell. Feeling alienated, the United Nations expelled Indonesia in 1960. Sukarno, lacking in social skills, attempted to appease the United Nations by calling them Perserikatan Bangsat-Bangsat ("United Bastards"). The UN was not amused and started to ignore Indonesia completely. Sukarno then ordered the invasion of Western Papua in 1961 to desperately draw international attention to Indonesia. He also launched an argument with newly-formed Malaysia because Malaysia destroyed its oil plantations in Borneo/Kalimantan, so he launched terrorists attacks later known as youtube pranks. The cost of the war drove the economy to hyperinflation, and Sukarno's approval rating plummeted. By 1965, the country was ideologically divided between monarchists and communists. The monarchists wished to restore the Kingdom of Indonesia and to crown the then-prince Suharto of the Orde Baru dynasty, while the communists intended to depose Sukarno from his Pancasilaist dictatorship and annex Indonesia to the Soviet Union. The adherents of Pancasila, loyal to Sukarno, consisted only a minority of Indonesian population and politicians at the time.
In May 1965, Indonesian communists attempted coup d'etat, killing seven prominent monarchist Indonesian generals and two Pancasilaist officers, believed to be instigated by Sukarno. When Prince Suharto realised this, in swift retaliation, he and the monarchists army batallions defeated the communist insurrection within two days and one night. The tired Sukarno issued the official declaration of Supersemar, named after the superhero Semar of Indonesian folklore. Supersemar officiated the retirement of Sukarno from the dictatorship as well as the restoration of Indonesian monarchy. Seeing this miracle, The loyal Indonesian masses crowned Suharto the God-Emperor of Indonesia. The humble Suharto declined the Imperial title, opting for a kingdom instead.
The advisors of Suharto forewarned that communism and capitalism were dangerous foreign ideologies that could only be deterred by the native ideology of corruption. The wise God-Emperor Suharto then declared the establishment of a new nation ambitiously dedicated to promote corruption throughout the country. The country is renamed Kerajaan Orde Baru, or "Kingdom of the New Order," reflecting the dynastic name of Suharto (His Majesty's birth name was Muhammad Suharto Orde Baru). With popular support, Indonesian communists across the country were instantly executed, effectively reducing the Indonesian population by 30%. Seeing that the Pancasilaists were harmless, the newly-crowned Suharto allowed all Pancasilaists to live and gain citizenship in the new kingdom, despite their anti-monarchy ideology.
Glorious Bankruptcy of 1998
In 1998 Indonesia's corruption policies triggered the Asian financial crisis. The crisis was triggered by outdated corruption practice that wasn't equipped to be ready for globalized corruption. Even pyramid and trapezoid schemes weren't enough. Soon, Indonesia and the rest of Asia ran out of things and people to steal from. Due to illegal financial speculation on heavily leveraged fraudulently obtained State credit wholly unpredicted currency fluctuations, Indonesians who ere dirt poor decided to vent their wrath at the Indonesian Chinese. The riots soon got out of hand when the Chinese responded by cooking massive amounts of food, which triggered fire and burned entire Chinatowns. To save face, the Chinese then quietly left for Singapore and Malaysia, because the government of PRC denies them access for "not being Chinese enough".
From Monarchy to Democratic Corruption
Suharto kindly stepped down (to enjoy spending more time with his wonderful children) and appoint Habibie as the new Emperor of the New Order monarchy. However, Habibie shrewedly revolutionized the monarchy into a "Democratic Corruption" system to improve the economy and keep up with the new improved standards of corruption. This gave everyone equal chances to steal money from the poor, not just the Emperor's friends and children; even the poor can now start stealing!
Democratic Corruption opened the opportunities for anyone to lead the country, provided they can pay enough Indonesians to vote for them. After wasting his money on remote airplanes, Habibie could not find the "funds" for the next election and lost out the popular Goose Dur, a man noted for his pluralistic philosophy. He paid off every Indonesian, even Warias, Bencongs, Premans, office rats and Orangutans. His reign was noted for his love of traveling. As a cultured philosopher, he traveled the world during his presidency using the corruption money and took many selfies with different landmarks around the world. As a result, he neglected the country and allowed other people to take advantage of the Democratic Corruption system in his absence.
One person who profited from his extended absence was the emerging reincarnation of Sukarno in the shape of a plump woman called "MegaKarno", who usurped Goose Dur for the Presidency. However, Megakarno would not prove to be popular. As she had spent all her money in paying off the people to get into the office, she was forced to sell national assets like Pirate DVDs and videogames, Bencongs, and Angkots to China in order to keep her properties. As a result, Otakus and gay Indonesians started to revolt against these policies which oppressed their rights. Angkot drivers were also out of business and instead forced to start a new business as Full-time demonstrators.
Geography
Indonesia is composed of 17 million islands, of which fourteen are habitable. Most of Indonesia's 270 million people live on just two of the fourteen islands because they fear all the gold, and easily-accessed petroleum on the other islands. And somehow Israel is belong to Indonesia. WTF. Indonesia frequently attempts to occupy Borneo and Papua, and these two islands have given half their territory to Indonesia. Of course it's the half with the man-eating dragons, but it makes Indonesia look bigger on maps. Big cock to fuxk any malaysian girl.
Bali and Jakarta
Indonesia's capital, Jakarta, is filled with dirt, feces, smog, criminals, half-dollar whores. In contrast, Bali is seen as paradise due to its many Indonesian-free districts. In fact, according to one poll, most tourists prefer to pay for an expensive flight ticket to Bali, even traveling in the cargo hold, rather than be given a free ticket to Jakarta.
In 2007, the mayor of Jakarta ordered a mass cleanup to remove the 5 meters-tall layer of "Shit-like substance"(composed of little percentage of actual real shit and mainly of Malaysian immigrants)which was covering the city. Many city workers died from the stench. This depopulation measure has dramatically improved conditions in the city but, unfortunately, it turned out many homes in the city were constructed of shit and, as a result, more homeless Indonesians are now visible at all hours of the day.
Education
Indonesian school provides the first exposure for Indonesian children to the sciences of pornography and corruption, as proven by Indonesia's prestigious ranking in the Corruption Perceptions Index as well as statistical evidence of Internet pornography. Only 5% of Indonesians have access to the internet, yet 90% of the world's google searches for "Japanese Porn" originate in Indonesia.
The bureaucrats in Ministry of Education constructed the academic curriculum by randomly throwing darts at scattered proposal sheets and by consulting local fortune tellers. Indonesian teachers are encouraged to constantly assign useless homework in such huge amounts and difficulty that students sometimes actually explode.
Tawuran
Tawuran, is a modernized martial art developed in 1970 by the Ministry of Education for the purpose of enhancing the physical fitness of Indonesian youth. Tawuran is mostly based on the ancient Indonesian martial art, Kerusuhan (lit. "Riot"), developed by Java Man, the first king of Indonesia. Exercises in Tawuran involve running, intimidation tactics, coordinated rock-throwing, and self-immolation. It's difficult to find qualified Tawuran instructors due to the self-immolation thing. Most of the Tawuran masters learn the art of the self-immolation by watching other masters who did it and survive, and then asking the ultimate secret to self-immolation thing.
Demonstrations
Starting at age 12, all Indonesian students are required to participate in demonstrations and protests, usually on a weekly basis. By the end of high school, students have participated in demonstrations or protests for and/or against almost any imaginable issue or non-issue. Students are expected to demonstrate or protest as ordered, even against themselves. It is not uncommon for students to carry signs with messages such as "Down With Me" or "Students Suck". By college-age, many students have actually attacked themselves and administered self-beatings or had hunger strikes against themselves or even against food itself.
Military
There are many armies in the world, some strong, some weak, and Indonesia definitely has one of them, fully equipped with ancient Indonesian magical spells. The might of the Indonesian army is used to bully sniveling brave neighbors such as Australia, Malaysia, East Timor, West Papua, Aceh, and Singapore. The Indonesian army, collectively named ABRI (Assassins and Bandits of Republic of Indonesia), are best known for saving and comforting local populations, also known as "Operation Raping Local Women".
Strategists in the Indonesian Navy developed an ingenious naval tactic: suicidal ramming. The victims include Malaysian warships in international water, often deviously disguised by the evil Malaysian government with civilian markings, women and children, no weapons, and the misleading cries of "Wait! Don't shoot! We're really just tourists, for God's Sake! Stop it! Please!" No Indonesian captain has ever been fooled by such lies. Other targets include whatever ships and rowboats the Navy fancies ramming.
The highly-trained Indonesian Commando Special Forces (KOPASUS) have, to date, killed billions of criminals and suspicious persons, which is an amazing accomplishment, especially considering that there are only 270 million people in Indonesia.
For homeland protection of the skies, Indonesia is equipped with the all-new S-60 AAA gun codenamed "Kyai Samber Langit" using the power of the Windows XP OS and anti-jamming, it can destroy any airborne targets below 250 knots and below FL010
Demographics
Indonesia's population is composed of diverse ethnic groups who constantly slaughter each other. The major ethnic groups are Javanese, Sundanese, Wobbliknees, Monkees, Florida Keys, Alan Keyes, Cheese, and Dramaqueens. They all wear silly hats and smell funny.
Marrying an Indonesian woman is ill-advised, unless one is a masochist or includes a prenuptial clause denying all forms of alimony.
Ethnic Groups
The majority of Indonesians live in fragrant slums, according to traditional Indonesian values. Some groups include:
- Preman: Not just punkish in style, these jack-asses are also punkish in behavior. They take pride on being the only punks in the world that do not know The Sex Pistols and only know local indie bands (which are sadly, not very punkish by Western standards). They'd slit your throat in the bus when they don't get what they ask for (which is usually 5c worth of rupiah. Honest.)
- Alay: Not like western Emos, these groups of social trash actually do listen to bad music. What are we saying, they are just as bad. Also, Th3y 4l50 LikEZ T0 sp34K LIk3 TH3ze.
- Maling and Jambret:
Well dressed men working for the governmentRagged street-folk who do everything but the things thieves usually do. You don't need to watch out for them, they already stand-out through the things they're wearing (or lack there of). Or give them change, out of pity.
Minorities
Speciesism
Indonesian society has not just overcome racism, but they have also overcome speciesism. In fact, rats and other rodents are given full citizenship in Indonesia and are free to roam the cities, particularly Jakarta. They also have the right to vote. Many rodents obtain employment in the public sector, even serving in political parties and key government positions.
Undead Indonesians
Scientific research confirms that Indonesia is heavily populated by ghosts, sometimes referred to as "the undead" which basically means the same thing as "alive". This leads to a lot of confusion, but some creatures are semi-physical ectoplasms mingling with the living (or dying) population. Indonesian cities are swarming with such beings who often cannot afford housing. These ghosts inhabit schools, public toilets, parks, mediocre hospitals and, of course, cemeteries. Ironically many poor living (or dying) Indonesians live in cemeteries as well. Also, sometimes Indonesians use cemeteries to dispose of dead bodies that are too far gone to eat.
Economy
Indonesia's economy is thriving and successful, mostly because their Politicians are Masters of the Thieves Guild. The rest believe that they're living in a rich country. As a result, poor Indonesians are considered rich and the really poor are considered middle class.
Tourism
If you are a tourist, then come to Indonesia! Everything is cheap here: cheap hotels, cheap games, cheap foods, cheap women, cheap babies, cheap head, cheap neck; everything is cheap! Just remember that you, as a tourist, may be beheaded, hanged, or killed in a terrorist act at any time for any or no reason. You may also awake with some organs removed from your body, and a bill for the surgery will be sent to your embassy.How cool is that !
Occupations
Prostitution is beyond an occupation in Indonesia. It is a religion. A way of life. There is some popular non-prostitution occupations in Indonesia include busking and panhandling. Most Indonesian street musicians are panhandlers, and vice versa. These panhandler-musicians sometimes scratch cars with coins out of spite. Related occupations include Extortionist of Money from Random Passing Cars, Professional Accident Victim, and Turd Wrangler since shit is Indonesia's main construction material.
Domestic servitude is a common occupation in Indonesia. Most domestic servants are females who live in small quarters in their masters' residence. The roles of domestic servants include cooking, cleaning, fellatio, anal intercourse, and corporate accounting.
Theft is also a popular occupation. However, Indonesians frown on getting caught while stealing. Apprehension is considered a major faux pas reflecting a serious lack of professionalism. The usual punishment for a thief is execution, though many thieves are pardoned if they pay a fine, as long as payment is made in the form of successfully stolen goods.
Businesses
Indonesia is home to many illegal and unofficial businesses. You will find many people selling foods at traffic jam(asongan) and you can buy the goods directly when driving. Their business is legalized by the government. IN the airport,you will find many illegal taxis offering you for a ride. At corners,you will find some illegal police that controls the traffic and force you to pay (usually equivalent to US$ 5). Virtually ALL CDs are pirated, especially DVD,PS2,XBOX360,and VCD discs, plus any software is illegal. You can actually sell anything you want without any permission (and even the cops will buy pirated content from you), how cool is that?
Culture
To the Malaysians and Singaporeans, there is nothing that can honestly be considered culture in Indonesia. Mostly are money-worshiping and laziness (as a way of life). However deluded these misshapen creatures from neighbouring countries may be (communist Singapore, and Maling-Asia {Asian thieves}), Indonesia still posess the deeper adopted Indian culture; as opposed to made up tales about babah and nyonya having sex and playing mahjong everyday.
Language
Most Malays speak a local dialect of Indonesian. Indoneisan is the defintive version of Malay, since Malay comes from the KFC Kingdom of Jambi in Palembang in Indonesia. Neighbouring Malaysians are too fucking stupid and Arabg anus-lickers culturally proud to bother pronouncing Malay correctly.
Indonesian Malay dialect originated from various grunts and rants uttered during sexual intercourse. In time, these unintelligible sounds evolved into a more sophisticated method of communication in which all participants pretend to understand each other.
Regardless of the origin, Indonesian is a very simple language. Some grammatical elements are absent, including personal pronouns, verbal adjectives, dangling modifiers, and dative conjunctions. Later development also discarded verbs, adjectives, nouns, and adverbs. These developments have been praised by expert linguists as "pretty cool, yo!" as they render the language very easy to learn. This trend has reversed. To add sophistication, most contemporary Indonesian literature inserted new grammatical features, such as dialectal expletive causal modal dative verbal third-person conjugative adjectival imperative constructs, as well as other more complex structures.
Secondary Languages
Due to pressures and intimidation from various civilizations, Indonesians have been reluctantly forced to adopt several foreign languages. Some of such languages are artificially made to be difficult just to confuse the Indonesians. The native Indonesians eventually realized this, and responded by severely corrupting the foreign languages to the point that they are incomprehensible; ironically, the Indonesians didn't even intend to corrupt these languages on purpose.
See also
- Bali
- Corruption
- Djarums
- Monaco (We stole their flag!)
- Money
- Monkey
- Orangutan
- Poland (They stole our flag!)
- Pornography
- uncultured state
- South Keaston
- Why?:It's worth to learn Bahasa Indonesia
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