Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Hide and Go Jesus
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“You're trying too hard. All you gotta do is relax your eyes and look through the picture.”
“Its Waldo Gone Godly.”
“Mormons and Jews are Automatically Disqualified.”
Hide and Go Jesus, also known as Missing Christos or InvisaMessiah, is the internationally-recognized champion of Hide-and-Go-Seek, an important spiritual bedrock of the Christian faith. Hide-and-Go-Seek, often thought to be nothing more than a simple children’s game that teaches base emotions such as shame and fear, is actually the nomination process for divinity. The game will end when someone really does find Jesus, at which point they will become the new Savior, which translates to "World's Best Hider", and the game will begin anew.
Hide-and-Go-Seek was initiated by Jehovah exactly five thousand years ago when He went looking for Adam in The Garden of Eden to laugh at his nakedness. Though omnipotent, The Lord experienced a surprising difficulty in finding Adam but found the anticipation of the search exhilarating and declared Hide-and-Go-Seek to be The Game of God.
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Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:God's Guide to Parenting
UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”
- ~ God on Apatheism
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - A proper Christian burial - Bracketology - Christian Right - Divine Retribution - Evil - Fecundism strategy - God-Fearing Republicans - HowTo:Avoid - Ignatius of Loyola - Joan of Arc - Kaspar Hauser - Lutheranism - Manic Street Preachers - Nintendo Eightfold Path - Passion of the Christ 2 - Qu'ran - Red Scapular - Satan - Theology - Unitarian Universalism - Virtue - What was God thinking!? - Xristianity - Yah-Weh-Oh! -
Zombie ChristianityReligious Articles That Need Help
Adam - Bonsai - Confusionism - Duckism - Eucharist - Faith - God's masturbation - Holy cock - It's hard out here for a pimp - JR "Bob" Dobbs - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mentalist - Nun - Original sin - Passion of the Christ - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Ramayana - St. Belia - The gospel according to Jim - United Church of Awesome - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -
Zucchini