Babel:Te

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God has written 37,247 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Rastadon

Mastadon01.jpg

The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.

The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)

Previously featured article – The Addams Family

Gomez Addams.jpg

The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Kim Jong Il winning in a major upset.

May 30: Memorial Day (United States), Lod's Massacre Appreciation Day (Puerto Rico)

  • 1421 – Jerome of Prague is burned at the stake for heresy and so kicks off the Memorial Day barbecue tradition.
  • 1431 – National hero of France Joan of Arc is burned at the stake in Rouen, France, after being convicted of wizardy for being able to produce milk from her breasts.
  • 1539 – Hernando de Soto discovers Florida while its natives discover Hernando de Soto. He manages to stay out of arrow range thus avoiding the traditional Florida greeting still used today.
  • 1831 – James Boyd patents the rubber fire hose not realizing that fires are made of fire and not rubber.
  • 1898 – Thomas Edison invents sand so people will have something to sit on during the US holiday.
  • 1941 – The first Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition (pictured) held in Rome.
  • 1967 – Wilbur Wright's ghost manifests itself in the body of an otter.
  • 1984 – Big Brother watches you after starring in an Apple commercial.
  • 1995 – Congress changes the holiday name to Meme Morial Day. Everyone is off somewhere for the day and doesn't notice.
  • 1999 – The website Unicyclopedia about everything unicycles is launched. It would eventually morph into the famous humor site Wikipedia.
  • 2002 – Slow day for Uncyclopedia editing. Readers are advised to move their lips while reading and nod their heads after every sentence to compensate.
  • 2003 – Memes about dead people flood the internet. Deceased Facebook members heartily approve.
  • 2004 – It is a slow day for Uncyclopedia editing so pet iguanas are allowed to take the controls for the day. Readership jumps 300% as intelligibility is increased.
  • 2013 – God recreates Earth, starting with Uncyclopedia.
  • 2017 – The Indy 500 are convicted in federal court along with ringleader Indiana Jones.

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