Named after Appendix, the famous Gallic hero of Rome: Total War, the Appendix is a mysterious organ of the body, situated near the index finger, just below the glossary. Despite having been researched to within an inch of its life by scientists with nothing better to do it is still throwing up surprises on a regular basis. The only other organs of the body considered to be more enigmatic that the curiously anomalous appendix are the fabled "gones". One major issue of the appendix is its regular tendency to explode, annoying many other bodily organs.
Properties of the appendix
Curious properties of the appendix include:
- Purple on Sundays and red the rest of the week.
- Has been known to sing in voices so beautiful that five researchers were moved to tears.
- Slightly rippled with a flat underside.
- No sense of humour.
- Heavier than the entire rest of the body combined.
- Absent in William Shatner.
The appendix is, strangely enough, the only organ of the body that is imbued with a free will of its own, and as such, some appendixes may become inflamed. These are called delinquent appendixes. They typically resemble slugs and inhale pot until they burst, taking their owners with them in their suicides.
Much scientific research has been done for the phenomena of appendix suicide, but no conclusive answers have been discovered, though there have been some theories which postulate links to the creation of ninja.
In around 65% of human deaths in the presence of a canine, the human appendix will switch places with one of the dog's eyeballs. This process takes roughly 17 minutes and is known colloquially as Linford Christie's Substitution.
The appendix can cause several diseases in the human body, one of which being Rememberthetitanis, which is a disease fatal unless the appendix is immediately removed. Conversely, the disease Alagaesia is a disease that only occurs in people without appendixes (and, theoretically, William Shatner) and is fatal unless an appendix transplant is procured within twenty four hours.
The appendix was a source for recent controversy when celebrated anti-video games advocate and certified astronaut Jack Thompson changed his stance on the appendix and declared that all appendixes should be removed immediately. He then cut out his appendix and died. Yes, again.
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