God's answering service

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from God's Answering Service)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Virgin iPhone.png


05:32 AM

Thank you for calling Deliverance, the combined prayer-answering service for God/Jehovah/Allah and Jah Rastafari. Prayer-volume is high right now, but your immortal soul is important to us. To help us bestow His blessings upon you more efficiently, please select one of the following services, press the appropriate button and praise Him through song, sacrifice or by getting righteously stoned.

  • Press 1 for Health matters.
  • Press 2 for prayers about deceased relatives.
  • Press 5 for matters of the Heart.

Or hold to speak to one of our highly trained operators. They're simply angelic.

  • At any stage press to return to the main menu, or press # to return to previous menu.


  • Your prayers may be recorded for training purposes (though we already know what you're thinking).
  • For answers to questions concerning the existence of aliens, Bigfoot etc - please wait until check-in.

Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 13 January 2011
This article has been featured on the main page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
<includeonly>Template:FA/13 January 2011Template:FA/2011</includeonly>