The Miniature German Reich of Luxembourg
Luxembourg official translation: midget faced shithole licker
|Motto: "Big things come in small packages."|
|Anthem: "Leutzebuerg Über Alles!"|
(scale- 1/2 size)
|Official language(s)||French, Wannabe German|
|‑ Prime Minister||Uncle Maurice|
|National hero(es)||Uncle Maurice, Midgets, and Beer.|
|Declared Independent after the Invention of Beer. temporarily disbanded after WWI|
|Currency||the Luxembourgian Vader (It was never the franc!)|
|Major exports||War, and small watches|
|Major imports||Anything German and European|
Luxembourg is a small duchy ruled by a group of investment bankers and tax consultants who hide under the alias of The Mandatory Yawn, a tiny tiny insignificant country nestled somewhere within the subcontinent of Europe, and yet not too small to preclude dreams of eventual world conquest. Unfortunately, these dreams seemed to be dashed when the world organisation for economics said that the "used toilet seat shop" in Rome actually made a bigger annual gross. The people of Luxembourg are best-known for their ability to look up to the Dutch and their relatively "huge country."
A small Grand Duchy located between Belgium, Germany and France, this tiny little nation has controlled both the British Crown and the American Presidency for over two hundred years, according to this man. Luxembourg is famous for their world-class barbecues and wines. However, Luxembourg does not export wine since, according to the Luxembourgeois people, they "keep the good stuff for themselves and export the bad stuff".
Luxembourg is known in its own quaint language, Luxembourgeois, as Legoland, meaning French people pretending not to live in France. Its formal name is The European Capital District of Luxusbourg, from a Latin word Luxus, meaning luxury. Germans refer to the duchy as Little Luxie, for it is little.
Luxembourg was founded in 818 by King Ethelred of Holland who wanted some place to store his lawnmower.It was first discovered by a ravaging and rampaging gang of surprised cartographers in 1066 who discovered that there was a blank bit on their map. This is significant in that, until Petoria was repatriated back into the USA in 2001, there were no other unaccounted for blank bits on the surface of the globe. Settlement by various European and Swiss peoples (fleeing religious and financial persecution) began in 1987. Under the leadership of exiled German warlords, the tiny fledgling country soon experienced explosive growth in population, economic productivity, indigenous yodeling. Tax avoidance schemes were implemented soon after, much to the envy and consternation of the neighboring countries of Germany, France, and Canada, not to mention the ever-present killer moose.
The biggest event in Luxembourg was of course World War 2,or battle of Maurice's ear as they call it, due to the fact that uncle Maurice lost an ear and glued it back on with his own sperm whilst tending to the wounded. Of course, during the influenza epidemic of 1946, over 90% of the population caught the disease due to only 10% receiving inoculation. (Lucy happened to have had her inoculation at school). However, there were no human fatalities, but half of the livestock were wiped out. This was in fact unrelated to the flu, but because Fluffy, Lucy's cat, was hit by Luxembourg's car. (incidentally, Luxembourg is the only country in the world that Toyota can claim to have a complete monopoly on. However, this may not last, as Maurice is thinking of buying an Audi soon, therefore boosting Audi sales by 100%.
Luxembourg in its recent years has displayed a knack and skill at expanding its borders ever farther to the horizons, becoming one of the first German Reichs in over 30 years it has recently gone into a typical Germanic Frenzied buildup of Panders and aircraft for a good war with any of its neighbors. However due to the small size of Luxembourg these war preparations are not scheduled to be completed until 2828. Recently, George Bush has stated that, while an attack from this country would be funny, we should be prepared. No just joking, it would take longer for our army to capture Boston, then this tiny guy.
Recent intelligence shows that Luxembourg indeed has a population of over 800 billion. Most of the population lives underground in what we call "buildings that point towards the earth's core."
The Killer Moose in Luxembourg
Although unknown to the Luxembourgians who first lived in Luxembourg, The countryside is full of Killer Moose, these living only in the boundaries of the Present day Luxembourg. The killer moose has been a major figurehead of the Luxembourgish National Struggle since its foundation. Because of this, all the way until 1993 when a formal declaration of independence from the moose was signed, Luxembourg was constantly at war with Killer moose. Skirmishes however still break out everyday, and peace is tenuous at best.
Only 9 people live in Luxembourg- 8 men and a slightly terrified woman. That is not including Courtney. Courtney is a half-male half-female jackalope with three eyes who has a fetish for faggots and doughnuts. (all Luxemburgers are cousins apart from the king who is the mother of every human in Western Europe). It is however not the smallest country in Europe as there are only 8 people in Monaco, 7 in Switzerland, 5 in Andorra and Herr J.F Klaustein in Lichtenstein. The inhabitants all are stamp makers, are small and all look the same (aprt from Uncle Maurice, who has no left ear. for more information, see wars).
The Luxembourgeois are very well known for their barbecues, which are traditionally held on Saturday afternoons. Because Luxembourg has only one neighborhood, all citizens are invited to each barbecue, hosted by a different manor each week. Because this is the only time the entire population can be found in one place, it is not uncommon to witness the formulation of national policies at these events. The Luxemburger is a staple food at Luxembourgeois barbecues and has attracted diplomats from as far away as Bhutan to attend as guests of honor. The Luxembourgeois are extremely technologically advanced due to their intimate contacts with Germans, Bill Gates and ClayPigeonSite.
Luxembourgeois is a pidgin of French and German and so is, to a limited extent, comprehensible to native speakers of both languages. The Luxembourgeois take pride into the fact that nobody can determine the type of accent they have when speaking English (which they learn for about 26 years) having some people guessing they have a French accent and some people guessing they have a German accent. In reality they have a luxembourguishchhs accent, although not even they are sure.
If you walk down the street listening to the average Luxembourgian speaking, you might hear them say Schmengen, Schmengen, Schmengen. Aside from it all sounding like a bagful of rabid cats, Ech mengen means "I think." Taking the last half of that phrase "Mengen" and combinging it with "Scheiße" we get the "Schmengin" or better known as "Shit-thinking". This is in reference to thinking like the French.
Should you get a wrong number and a guy starts shouting NUMMER DEI DIR GEWIELT HUT GET ET NET, then you should really hang up and dial again, because otherwise you'll hear him yelling at you in English and French and German and you'll feel like a complete loser.
In Luxembourg it isn't legal to smoke dope or in fact huff any sort of small mammal. If you want to smoke/stick/huff/do it in Luxembourg, hide yourself from the police, otherwise you will put a nasty dent in their negative crime rate. And then the Luxembourgish themselves will begin to show their own Germanic Tendencies.
Industry and Entertainment
Reich Grand Duchy is very well known for a unique ability possessed by its inhabitants: the ability to produce the "best" barbecues in the world. So well known are these BBQ that people from around the world come to these events and brings their beloved pets to participate in this ceremony. The tradition has held up even through numerous invasions over the centuries as, with so much of Europe, there has been no shortage of things on fire.
A key element to this type of gathering if the kind of beverage used to wash down the food. Having the best grapes in the world, not to mention the universe, the Luxembourgeois decided to produce the best wine ever produced, since the Romans. (Single handedly kicking the French out of the only thing they claim to do well.)
On the other hand the film industry seems to be blooming in Luxembourg. Apparently, the anal fixation with the highlander movies made the film industry bloom in Luxembourg producing one of the most well known actors of these type of films. The type of film that makes your pubic hair curls in spasms of joy.
Until 1998, the Luxembourghini was the world's premiere sports car. Then the little deigo bastards stole the plans and played with the lettering and are currently reselling the car under the name Fiat.
Known for its artificial eggs and tree milk, Luxembourg is the original home of Dairy Queen Super Saiyan 3.
The people of Luxembourg often like to indulge in the art of tree catching. A sport which has baffled many yet never left the hearts of many a luxembourgian. The only criticism that the sport of tree catching has come under by the Luxembourg council of sports and glue manufacturing is that no one came up for a more imaginative title for the game.
- There can be only one. Well, there's only room for one anyway.