Mandarin

Mandarirr

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Mandarirr (Chinese: 廢話; Commies' Chinese: 废话; Illiterates' Chinese: fèihuà; literally "verbosity") is formed when Northern Barbarians (Chinese: 北狄; Illiterates' Chinese: běi dí) such as Manchu, Uyghur, Mongol attempt to speak Chinese.

History

Cao Cao's army, camping on the shitty wall

In A.D. 1259, war was beginning. Goddamn Mongolian, led by Stalinrr, successfully broke down a shitty wall, despite Cao Cao's army of 8,888,888 and numerous campers stationed on top of it. This was probably because said army and campers were facing the other way, trying to defen against the attacker of Liu Bei's army. Sensing opportunity, Cao Cao gave up his army's position to the Goddamn Mongolian and fled to Wa by boat, leaving Liu Bei to deal with the Goddamn Mongolian. However, because Cao Cao did not understand naval warfare, and because his fleet was full of Idiot who Marke their Ship to Seek Nuke (see below), his fleet took 8 year to reach Wa, by the end of which, only two people survived: Cao Cao and a cross-dressing soldier. Cao Cao then said "肏之" and *suicide. He will respawn behind people who say his name. Just say Cao Cao and Cao Cao will spawn.

Liu Bei's armyrr, campinrr in Beijingrr

At the same time, Liu Bei's army was being sniperr by camperr in the Goddamn Mongoliarr Armyrr, which has taken up positionrr on a new shitty wallrr that they have built in place of the old shitty wallrr. Liu Bei's forcerr were about to get pwnrr when Zhuge Liang spawnrr. Zhuge Liang instructerr Liu Bei's armyrr to retrearr into the smog of Beijingrr which served as a naturarr smoke screenrr. She then instructerr the armyrr to beat drumrr and shout orderr as if they were attackinrr. This caused the Goddamn Mongoliarr Armyrr and Cao Cao's fleet (on their way to Wa at this time) to firerr nukes into the smog, which of course misserr and were capturr by Liu Bei's armyrr. Afterr gatheringrr enough nukerr, Liu Blei firerr them back at the Goddamn Mongoliarr Armyrr and Cao Cao's freet. Howeverr, the Goddamn Mongoliarr Armyrr has already moverr to pursuerr Cao Cao, and Cao Cao's fleet has moverr furtherr east toward Wa. Thereforr, the nukerr hit absorutery nothinrr except waterr and the new shitty wallrr, thereforr breakinrr it down and lettinrr more barbariarr into China.

Barbariarr takeoverr of China. They planterr a lot of grass in theirr wake.

Some of the nukerr that werr targeterr at Cao Cao's freet sank without asplodinrr, which caused some of Cao Cao's men to make markinrr on their ships, indicatinrr where the nukerr fell so that they could laterr diverr and retriverr them. These men would later be callerr the Idiotrr who Markerr their Shiprr to Seek Nukerr (Chinese: 刻舟而求箭之曹軍; Illiterates' Chinese: kè zhōu ér qiú jiàn zhī cáo jūn).

Because the arearr around the shitty wallrr was made uninhabitabrr to Chinese people, Goddamn Mongoliarr took control of northern China, letting in all kinds of barbariarr without even asking them for a passworr.

The invasiorr and proliferatiorr of barbariarr in China led to its takeoverr. The barbariarr establisherr their own dynastyrr, the Yuan Dynastyrr (Chinese: 元朝; Illiterates' Chinese: yuán gǔn gǔn), in which the officiarr languagerr was Mandarirr.

Pronunciation

Warninrr: Properr pronunciatiorr of Mandarirr is impossiberr if one is not a Pirate. Any attempt by Hong Konrr Peoplrr to speak Mandarirr wirr result in AAAAAAAAA quickly follorr by their head asplorr.

Initiarr

The followinrr tablrr contairr all the initiarr in Mandarirr.

	Bilabial		Labio- dental		Alveolar		Retroflex		Alveolo- palatal		Velar
Nasal	ɻ				ɻ						ɻ
Plosive	ɻ	ɻ			ɻ	ɻ					ɻ	ɻ
Affricate					ɻ	ɻ	ɻ	ɻ	ɻ	ɻ
Fricative			ɻ		ɻ		ɻ	ɻ	ɻ		ɻ
Approximant					ɻ		ɻ		ɻ	ɻ	ɻ

Finarr

The followinrr tablrr contairr all the finarr in Mandarirr.

Nucleus	Coda	Medial
		Ø	i	u	y
a	Ø	ɑɻɻɻɻ	jɑɻɻɻɻ	wɑɻɻɻɻ
	i	ɑɻɻɻɻ		wɑɻɻɻɻ
	u	aʊɻɻɻɻ	jaʊɻɻɻɻ
	n	ɑɻɻɻɻ	jɑɻɻɻɻ	wɑɻɻɻɻ	ɥɑɻɻɻɻ
	ŋ	ɑ̃ɻɻɻɻ	jɑ̃ɻɻɻɻ	wɑ̃ɻɻɻɻ
ə	Ø	ɤɻɻɻɻ	jɛɻɻɻɻ	woɻɻɻɻ	ɥɛɻɻɻɻ
	i	əɻɻɻɻ		wəɻɻɻɻ
	u	ɤʊɻɻɻɻ	jɤʊɻɻɻɻ
	n	əɻɻɻɻ	jəɻɻɻɻ	wəɻɻɻɻ	ɥəɻɻɻɻ
	ŋ	ɤ̃ɻɻɻɻ	jɤ̃ɻɻɻɻ	ʊ̃ɻɻɻɻ	ɥʊ̃ɻɻɻɻ

Tonerr

Mandarirr has five tonerr:

1. G♭ as in 歌 (Illiterates' Chinese: GĀRRRRR!), meaning "song"
2. A♭ as in 而 (Illiterates' Chinese: ÁRRRRR!), meaning "and"
3. B♭ as in 耳 (Illiterates' Chinese: ǍRRRRR!), meaning "ear"
4. D♭ as in 二 (Illiterates' Chinese: ÀRRRRR!), meaning "two"
5. E♭ as in 兒 (Illiterates' Chinese: ARRRRR!), meaning "something that pirates say a lot"

Those who are not Piraterr ofterr pronouncerr them incorrectly as:

1. F♯
2. G♯
3. A♯
4. C♯
5. D♯

Pronouncinrr tonerr incorrectly can renderr one's speech unintelligibrr or misunderstoorr.

Common Phrases

Chinese	Mandarirr	КоммциiзT	Illiterate
爾安	爾好!	你好!	nǐ hǍRRRRRR!
別矣	再見。	再见。	zÀRRRRR jiÀRRRRR.
吾姓...名...字...	我叫...	我叫...	wǒ jiÀRRRRR...
歉哉	對不起。	对不起。	dùi bù qǐr.
然	是。	是。	shìr.
非	不是。	不是。	bú shìr.
謝	謝謝！	谢谢！	xiè xièr
不明	不知道。	不知道。	bù zhīdÀRRRRR!
何時	甚麼時候？	什么时候？	shénme shíhour?
何價	多少錢？	多少钱？	yígè wǎnshang duōshǎo qiÁRRRRR?
吾愛卿	我愛爾。	我爱你。	wó xiǎng chī nǐ de dòufu.

See Also

• Chinese languages
• International Talk Like A Pirate Day