MasterCard
“Stealing MasterCard's phrase so much that it's done to death: Priceless”
MasterCard, also known as Master of the Cards, is a credit card company designed to spread communism. It is the largest credit card company on Earth today, larger than all other credit companies put together. Its influence stretches into virtually every nation on Earth and it is widely believed that the current CEO is the anti-Christ himself.
Origins[edit]
MasterCard was started by Lenin as a side project and turned into an actual company later by Stalin. By then, KGB agents had infiltrated US defenses and were already spreading communist propaganda. Stalin realized that if MasterCard could get a foothold in the United States, the Soviet Union would be able to monitor the credit card purchases of its citizens and soon take over the US. The Soviet Union fell before this plan could be realized, but MasterCard continues to brainwash the minds of the populace even today.
Goals[edit]
The goals of MasterCard are as follows:
- To control all credit card companies and be fully deserving of the title "Master of the Cards."
- To convert every nation on Earth to communism.
- To revive the fallen Soviet Union.
- To reach heaven where a thousand virgins are waiting for you.
Subliminal Messaging[edit]
MasterCard has been known to employ subliminal messaging in virtually all their ads. For example, if you pay really close attention to one of their commercials, you will hear the following subliminal message: "There are some things money can't buy." Like communes, collective property, and the hammer-and-sickle? Commie bastards.
Evidence That MasterCard is Communist[edit]
There is much evidence available to demonstrate the true communist nature of Mastercard. The main arguments of this theory follow.
The Company Logo[edit]
It is clear by analyzing the MasterCard logo that it contains Soviet propaganda. For example, about 50% of the color in the logo is red. Furthermore, the Soviet hammer-and-sickle are often cleverly hidden in the logo; see image on right.
"Priceless"[edit]
Once MasterCard had infiltrated the United States, it began a new ad campaign to try to spread communist ideas. This was mainly done using phrases involving the word "priceless," which embodies the communist idea of the abolition of private property. Here are some examples:
“Watching someone crap his pants every time he speaks in front of the nation: Priceless”
“Watching someone try to steal your car in front of you and then kicking his ass: Priceless”
“Seeing a Jew dig 10 feet for buried treasure and finding a penny: Priceless”
MasterCard Vs. Visa[edit]
MasterCard and Visa have been rivals as far back as anyone can remember. This is mainly due to Visa's capitalistic nature (of which the generous use of blue in its logos is incontrovertible evidence). The fact that MasterCard is more powerful than Visa, as evidenced by the graph to the right, is a clear parallel to the failing strength of capitalism as communism grows stronger today.
Rumors[edit]
There are many rumors concerning MasterCard, most unconfirmed (the reason for their rumor-y nature). Here are a few of them:
- Every MasterCard credit card is one of Lenin's horcruxes, and the company is currently trying to resurrect him.
- MasterCard will, in the year 2012, bring about the apocalypse and destroy the world.
- Though it is known that the CEO is the anti-Christ, who exactly it is is speculation. Some possible suspects are:
- Black Jesus
- Bill Gates
- The Care Bears
- A genius toddler