Penis joke
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“There's always room for a few inches of Noel Coward.”
“Size matters not … Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?”
The penis joke (also called knob joke, Joking on your Little Man, or the best joke ever, in some cultures) is the highest form of humour. It appeals to an innate sense of humour in all humans, and thus is universally understood. It has a revered place in society and is considered high art.
Origins[edit]
In the early years, male humans developed a mutation in the groin area nicknamed the "penis". This groinal growth, or "man horn", is generally seen as unshapely and useful and so became the target of many jokes. These witticisms led the men to believe it was this "penis" that made them superior. They grew incredibly proud of their members and women everywhere are waiting for the fall.
The classic penis joke has expanded into a number of related areas (which will be discussed below) including the related Wang, Dong, One-Eyed Trouser Snake, Dick, Prick, and Mr Floppy.
Manifestations[edit]
The Dick joke is one of the most versatile known to comic scientists today. The hypothesis states, although it is impossible to prove, that there is never a situation in which a penis joke cannot be made.
Several test situations have been proposed, such as the funerary example that follows. These test situations were designed to put the maximum stress on the humorous membrane of the joke PENIS, without actually breaking it or causing it to be unfunny. The funeral example was originally tested by Doctors Langer and Schlong at the funeral of their friend's mother. There was later a dick measuring contest over whose name would go on the patent, but it is apparent who came out on top.
- Langer's Funeral Example
- "I'm going to put the fun back into funeral--with my penis!
The penis joke manifests itself in many ways:
School textbooks etc.[edit]
Penis jokes appear anywhere there are photographs of people, like newspapers, although school textbooks are a favored target as a school may keep the book for a long time until it can afford to buy more, even when its out dated and your kids are in school, looking at your very own graffiti drawn 25 years earlier. The photo is usually of a person with their legs open or their mouth open, to which a child, usually a boy has an urge to draw a big penis on the picture. Mouth version, the penis is normally drawn going into a persons open mouth like a facial or blowjob, plain simple hilarious. Open legs version, here the schoolboy is faced with a dilemma, he may draw the penis coming out of or going into the groin area, to make it look like the person is either displaying their penis or receiving someone else's. LOL PENIS. Another version is drawing on a picture of any kind of object that even slightly or remotely resembles a penis in any way, fruit, trees, buildings, tools, anything LOL TOOL.
In a boy's school a text book will have many penises in it may have a penis drawn on every picture on every page, where as in a girl's school no or very few penises get drawn in textbooks (see "penis jokes and women" below ). In a mixed school the amount of penises in textbooks will be quite high but not as high as a boys school. lol oliver stratton has like a 1.inch penis .. yh i heard hes gay and his brother is like a god or sumfin
So is your penis[edit]
Reply to any question or statement by saying "So is your penis"
Examples:
-"Raisins are so wrinkly"
"So is your penis"
-"I'm small..."
"So is your penis"
-"Hey there"
"So is your penis"
-"My back is extremely stiff"
"So is your penis"
-"So is your penis"
"So is your penis"
-"My penis is a penis"
"So is your penis"
-"Penises"
"So is your penis"
-"Dude, my life sucks. I'm miserable and desperate, like a small pimple on the ass that is the world."
"So is your penis"
"'-"I'm really thirsty...""'
""So is your penis.""
ASCII penis joke[edit]
You can also use a synonym for penis such as chicken or a snake by making ASCII art about it.
Example:
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MINE IS SO MUCH BIGGER
Wang, etc[edit]
There are many colorful synonyms for penis. Adding them to a sentence makes anything hilarious.
Actually, just saying them is hilarious.
- Heheh, wang. As in Numberwang.
I knew this old Chinese guy, and he was always like, "Hello. My name Wang."
Pen15[edit]
Haha, get it? It looks like penis.
The pen-is mightier than the sword. At least mine is, lol!
How to use a penis joke[edit]
Allusions and innuendo[edit]
It's always funny if you make normal things sound like you're talking about penis.
- How's it hanging?
- He cocked a questioning eyebrow.
- Size doesn't matter.
- "In Your Endo!"
- "Would you like to see my penis?"
Subtle references in poetry[edit]
Away! away! for I will fly to thee,
Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards,
But on the viewless wings of Poenis,
Though the dull brain perplexes and turds.
-- John Keats
The purple-headed mountain,
The river running by,
The sunset and the morning,
That brightens up the sky.
- -- Cecil Frances Alexander
"Willis, I didn't want you here to-day:
The lawyer's coming for the company.
I'm going to sell my soul, or, rather, feet.
Five hundred dollars for the pair, you know."
"With you the feet have nearly been the soul;
And if you're going to sell them to the devil,
I want to see you do it. When's he coming?"
"I half suspect you knew, and came on purpose
To try to help me drive a better bargain."
"Well, if it's true! Yours are no common feet.
The lawyer don't know what it is he's buying:
I'll give you a hint - it's my penis.
You haven't run your forty orchids down.
What does he think?--How are the blessed feet?
The doctor's sure you're going to walk again?"
"He thinks I'll hobble. It's both legs and feet."
"They must be terrible--I mean to look at."
- -- Robert Frost
The penis game[edit]
The object of this game is to see who can say the word penis loudest.
The game ends when one person gets too embarrassed to say the word louder than the other, ones head imploding from sheer wonder, or when the teacher comes by. You usually don't get in trouble, the teacher ends up looking at you funny or joining the game themselves.
It can only be played in public, or else you and your "friend" will end up yelling penis at each other until you receive complaints from your neighbors and the police give you citations for being a noisy jerk.
The geek world[edit]
Even geeks find penis jokes funny, but they have their own penis jokes that they make. The most common geek penis joke goes as follows:
If the guy reading over your shoulder is now laughing, it is safe to assume he is a geek. A joke about his penis not existing is now appropriate. But only if his name is Raiden. Because the Patriots stole his penis.
For more information, scroll up to the ASCII section
Penis jokes and women[edit]
In general, women do not find penis-related humor all that amusing (or they successfully manage to hide how much they really do enjoy it. No-one here knows, as none of them are female). Some are offended by it; others find it disgusting; yet others secretly find it hilarious, but being modest women, hide their amusement. Some females fear the male-member, but many others simply find it improper. This is a trend that is predominantly going out of style. After the falling out with Dr. Langer, Dr. Schlong was quoted as saying that a woman's reaction to a penis joke is a perfect way to evaluate her as a marriage possibility. Here is a simple test:
- "While I was in Boston, I went to see a play at the Wang Theater."
Schlong's conclusion: If she chuckles or laughs, marry her without delay.
Or you can take it from an actual woman: We find your penis hilarious.
In conclusion[edit]
Penis jokes are the wittiest jokes one could make. Try to use them in conversation. It will garner respect and give everyone a good laugh.