Pingu

So, welcome. Thank you for applying at Stockripe Ltd. We hope you get the job, Mr...

I know what you're thinking. Yes, I am well endowed.

Pingu. Mr James Pingu.

R-i-g-h-t...

Now, I was asked to speak about my qualifications. Let's see, I'm a qualified accountant with the Association of Chartered Cert...

I know what ACCA is. Tell me about your exam results.

Well, at high school I got diplomas in English, Math, Business, Communications and, let me assure you, numerous others.

Fascinating.

I got 98% in my Scholastic Assesment Test, and then I got an MAcc at the university I attended.

Very good. Now, what would you say are your negative qualities?

Well, I'd say I have an annoying aura of supremity so I mostly just keep quiet about the qualification stuff.

...

I have a knack at losing at Chutes and Ladders, if that's relevant.

I doubt it.

Yeah, me too. And I like to fish. Really. I'm a big sucker for it.

Oh God. Now what is your nationality?

Is this a...

No, I'm not prejudiced.

I believe you. Now, I'm three-quarters American. But my grandfather was from North Pole, Alaska.

Oh hell no!

I beg your pardon?

Arepenguinsatthenorthorsouthpole?!

What?

Are-penguins-at-the-north-or-south-pole?!

Erm, south, I believe.

*sigh*

Why, what's wrong? Was it your heart? You know, I've been trained to perform CPR.

You know, I speak his language.

Interesting.

I've only been practically tested once. My brother and I were out on an expedition to the South Pole and...

Jesus Christ!

Yes, I am Christian. Does that help?

Get out!

What?

I loved Pingu when I was a kid! I'm not gonna have some too-good-to-be-true yuppie shatter the image!

Who?

Go!

Well sir, thank you for letting me—

Fuck you! **shoots self**

What a nice man.