Snakebite
“I've had it with these motherfucking snakbites in this motherfuking article!!”
History[edit]
In 1575 King Jan Obracht of Poland met with a council of students who claimed to have discovered a way to get a pull in half the time it normally takes.
The king was intrigued and asked them the secret of their discovery. At the time the usual way to make ugly people look beautiful was to consume large amounts of lager or vodka - the students had ignored this conventional wisdom and asked "If mixing you drinks gets you c--ted, then why not mix your drinks?" From this the Snakebite was born. A perfect amalgum of Lager and Cider.
The King's own mathematician expressed it mathematically:
Snakebite and Black[edit]
Slowly the students realised that their new drink tasted shit. One day a freak accident with a bottle of Blackcurrant lead to a most fortunate union. Red stains and purple vomit became a central part of student life. As the mathematician expressed it:
This is also known as Diesel in some parts.
Snakebite and Lime[edit]
Eventually one student claimed to have found something even better. The drink that followed split the Kingdom of Poland and a brutal civil war followed. Mother turned against Father, Son against Cousin and Daughter against Hamster. There are still those who defend Snakebite and Lime... but there are also those who say it tastes almost as shit as plain Snakebite.
As the mathematician put it:
Shakebite[edit]
Some years later one of the students arrived at the Union Bar late. It was almost closing time and time was limited. He downed one Snakebite and Black, then another. The bell for last orders rang loud and he shouted at the barman, "Throw some vodka in my next five!" The Shakebite had arrived.
Fakebite[edit]
After experimenting for thousands of years mixing drinks, it suddenly dawned on the student population in 2004 that they could create their own dastardly concoctions from the comfort of their own homes, without paying through the nose for the magical red liquid at their local student union. The drunken maths student at the time expressed it in the conventional manner on the back of a beer mat which he had handy:
Sheepbite[edit]
So-called because the bite of a sheep is the most lethal in the world, Sheepbite is the most vicious and pukaholic of all forms of Snakebite. To date Sheepbite has claimed the lives of 2 hard-working bright young students and 35,868 lazy alcoholic students.
Legacy[edit]
Snakebite has been praised by scholars from around the world for its unique ability to make ugly people look beautiful. It is widely suspected that Snakebite was the source of inspiration for popular artist James Blunt, after he downed 8 snakebites one night at the union. From this night it is heavily suspected that his excessive Snakebitage inspired him to write his smash hit, "You're beautiful...its fucking true"