Talk:Penis

I'm very lucky I didn't choke while reading the adult template thingy. Also I got rid of the Team America reference. -Bob the Mediocre 23:41 EST 8/15/05

How come the article never mentions how small your penis is? 71.113.65.36 08:46, 21 August 2006 (UTC)

Nvm, I fixed it.71.113.65.36 08:46, 21 August 2006 (UTC)

Ok, listen. You are all dumb. Penii isn't a word. Its penes. Penes is the plural of penis.

From Pee Review

• Well, first of all, try to link to the actual article in your Pee Review post. I fixed that for you, though, so don't worry about that. Anyway, on to reviewing the article. I actually got more than I expected out of this article. With the fact that the entry had "PENIS" in all capital letters, and other stuff, I expected it to be some pointless, one-line flame vandalism article. I got the exact opposite of that. This article was actually pretty damn good, to be honest. The "Size Matters" pic wins, too. --Shade [...][Praise me/Yell at me][Worthless Additions] 05:04, 10 November 2006 (UTC)

Help help help my penises are removal!!!! 71.114.58.174 18:46, 26 August 2007 (UTC) yay penis

It should be posted that *CENSORED* sorry... i mean *CENSORED* have dicks 103 times bigger than any white trash.

Ok I find this article amusing but the refrence to Religion in matter of sexuall offence should be removed. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 182.177.98.139 (talk • contribs)

HELP ME!!!

Please Remove the Kabba Picture form this page

I GOTS A MAJOR PROBLEM WITH MY PENIS!!! MY PENIS HOLE ITCHES, BUT WHEN I SCRACTCH IT, IT HURTS REAL BAD AND STARTS BLEEDING!!! PLZ HELP

• Ahh...so someone seek help from Uncyclopedian...I can't turn my back to such soul. Alright, it's easy to remedy your problem. Just make sure you not scratch it, at leastnot make it bleed. Some common medicine can cure it easily...Too late, I guess. Bacteria in your nail should already make thing worse by now...

Still, there is easy method to solve this problem. Grab a cleaver from kitchen and CUT IT OFF. Or you may go to nearest doctor, he will give some pain killer before cut it off, but it will be more expensive. If you don't want cut method, there are certain herbs that work wonderful here. Just rub it daily, and it will eventually rot and ripped-away by itself. Ace Attacker 06:52, 8 February 2008 (UTC)

THANK YOU THAT HELPED FOR A WHILE BUT ABOUT A WEEK AFTER I CUT IT OFF I GREW A NEW ONE AND THAT ONE HAS AN EVEN MORE SERIOUS PROBLEM. IT HAS A TOE GROWING OUT OF IT!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO??? THE TOE HURTS VERY BAD , MAKES MY PENIS SORE, AND IT ITCHES!!! PLZ HELP ME!! IT ALSO HURTS MY GF WHILE MAKING LOVE!!!

• You selfish bastard!? Known you're infected with deadly disease and you had sex, made an innocent girl suffer?! Ace Attacker 05:12, 15 February 2008 (UTC)

• Um, i don't think a toe growing on one's penis classifies as an STD.

I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A DISEASE OR NOT, JUST TELL ME HOW TO GET RID OF IT!!! IT IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE, AND IT IS AKWARD CHANGING IN GYM CLASS!!

Remove your entire lower torso... problem solved.

8=======================D

lol, penis---> 8=================D

Not much to brag about is it? 8=================================================D lol thats better.

Penis, a male sex organ. homosexuals use the penis as a anal or oral toy thingy. Homosexuals as i am are drivin towrdes the penis with crazy ideas.

When i think of a penis, Iget an erection. 8================D. I cant wait to have gay sex. It sounds fun. 8====D O:.

Hmm.

I'm not an radical islamist, nor a faithful believer, but anyway, i found that photo about Allah is disturbing. It sounds like "God's Vagina" or "Venganza's Cock" and there will be many people get mad on it. You don't want MY TERRORIST PALS hit your house, did you? I'll remove it, but if you're gonna add it again, please don't use any god's name. (Khalifah's Penis sounds good, yeah :).

I vote for using it, and posting Allah's balls too. And Putting up a picture of Abraham's vagina.

A third party would have to decide this.

It's good the way it is right now. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:35, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Alternate names

You forgot Junior. And possibly Little Friend. - 04:48, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

RUMPLEFORESKIN needs to be added, stupid protected page. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Babsmack (talk • contribs)

Not against you, unless you picked the user name after you tried to edit it. It is a vandalism magnet. I slimmed down the list on 15-Feb-10 and put it in multi-column format. More recently, someone chopped out a bunch of alternate names and inserted "Junior." I reverted him; "Junior" is not clever and is not funny. It is not a list of all the things you might call one of those. Rumpleforeskin is sort of clever. Spıke Ѧ 01:00 28-Apr-10

Another idea for an alternative name-- "One eyed, yogurt spitting, purple headed monster"

JamBum just added this, and I just reverted him. The list needs short and clever, not long and graphic. Spıke Ѧ 11:04 20-Sep-10

Yiddish: Petzl means dirty penis, Schmuck means prick, and shtickl is a little prick, I think.

Please remove the bad anti-Semitic jokes. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Baron (talk • contribs)

Thank you for your Yiddish lesson; I feel it has a place in the article. Separately, I am not anti-Semitic, the Uncyclopedia cabal (if it existed) could certainly not be anti-Semitic, none of the Jew jokes is bad, except that the "secret pouch" joke is too ridiculous to deliver actual offense. Spıke Ѧ 23:42 22-Oct-10

Shmekl is another Yiddish name. Sorry, but any reference to old anti-Semitic jokes "Jew Gold" is perpetuating the stereotypes. It doesn't matter that it is meant as humor, "nigger." You don't have to feel it to spread it, so please remove it. We are very "sensitive" about circumcision. There are plenty of other jokes to make.Baron 16:36, October 23, 2010 (UTC)

Circumcized Uncyclopedia Cabal here, I don't see any problem with the jokes and if you find that offensive you better not take a look at Jew Claw. ~ 22:14, October 23, 2010 (UTC)

xD Vaginal spelunker  –      (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 05:33, 24 October 2010

you forgot PHALLICE the scientific term for a penis —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 204.186.3.121 (talk • contribs)

Did someone tell you this is a humor web site? and that we might not care what the scientific term is? Did someone even tell you it's spelled phallus, Dill-weed? Spıke Ѧ 01:56 26-Feb-11

Anyway, that's just a fallacy. Having said that, is the alternative names for COCK really worth keeping. I mean there is some minor humour to be garnered out of DICK jokes, but lists are, well, dull. If we're going to Dothan there are better ways to present them. The list of Things 4kids hates is better presented the way it is than having it stretched out like this list. Harder to read, maybe, butthat's part of it's appeal. TODGER. Pup 02:44 26 Feb '11

Salary Raise Demand

It has come to my attention that The Penis has applied for a raise. Here is its application letter...

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

◦I do physical labour. ◦I work at great depths. ◦I plunge head first into everything I do. ◦I do not get weekends or public holidays off. (In fact holidays and weekends is when I toil the most.) ◦I work in a damp, smelly environment. ◦I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation. ◦I work in extremely high temperatures.

...and here is "Management's" reply

Dear Penis

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

◦You do not work 8 hours straight. ◦You fall asleep after brief work periods. ◦You do not always follow the orders of the management team. ◦You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. ◦You do not show initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. ◦You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing. ◦You will retire well before you are 65. ◦You are rarely able to work double shifts. ◦You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task. ◦As if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the work place carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Originality is not a burden that you suffer from, is it?                                • Puppy's talk page • 00:40, June 5, 2009 Thursday, 05:39, Sep 2 2010 UTC

New Penis Image

I uploaded an image that I believe would be useful for this article.

It's a Google Map image of a street that looks like an erect penis.

Remove this sentence?

This sentence in the section Circumcision is completely random and stupid:
"Muslims circumcise female babies, and sometimes female adults. They are copycats who don't always get it right."

It does not fit in with the rest of the section. Can a registered user please remove it? --173.70.31.99 21:13, June 13, 2012 (UTC)

No. It does fit, it is funny, and it is based on truth. Spıke 🎙️14:53 6-Dec-16

Humor added

I think it would be appropriate to change "6 inches" in the article to "25 inches." 108.66.232.123 13:27, December 6, 2016 (UTC)

I think it would be exactly what is described in How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid as a "nonsense number." Spıke 🎙️14:53 6-Dec-16

Salary Raise

I know it's an old joke, but here it is.

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: 

-I do physical labor.
-I work at high temperatures.
-I work at great depths.
-I plunge head first into everything I do.
-I do not get weekends or public holidays off
-I work in a damp, smelly environment.
-I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

108.71.122.148 02:28, December 19, 2016 (UTC)

Unfortunately, we are not a catalog of old jokes but a website for original comedy writing (that is, new jokes). Spıke 🎙️02:41 19-Dec-16

Here's something new...

• starts ejaculating*...sweet jesuuuuuuuuu--
• 17.00, parents come home*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• next day*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• in school*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• coming home, still ejaculating!*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• 50 yrs later*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• dead and still ejaculating*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--
• life no. 2 as a dog*--uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus. Ahhh... 108.66.234.203 20:40, July 28, 2017 (UTC)

*life no. 3* ...hhhhhh.. (still ejaculating!)

*4* ..hhhh...

*5-74* ..hhh..

*life no. 127, reincarnated as flash memory* ..hhhhhh... (yes, still ejaculating...) 108.66.234.48 21:43, August 8, 2017 (UTC)