UnNews:African-American civil rights activist wrong color

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8 May 2015

Before and after the rain, African American rights activist, Rachel Dolezal, is not black.... it matters.

SPOKANE, Washington -- Prominent African American civil rights activist Rachel Dolezeal is under the media spotlight after a rain shower revealed that she is the wrong color. The local leader and campaigner for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) is accused of being white, which according to locals and the media, is an unacceptable color for that role.

The surname Dolezal is Czech and Slovac, which should have been a hint, as well as Ms. Dolezal's obsessive avoidance of rain, in case her fake tan runs and the curls and hair dye fall out, revealing her as a pale ginger. But neighbors first became suspicious when her use of extreme amounts of cocoa butter flooded the entire apartment complex with ants.

Brought up in a predominately African American region of Mississippi, Dolezal had black adopted siblings and friends, and married a black man. As a racial minority in her home town for most of her life, Dolezal made the unforgivable mistake of trying not only to fit in but to change her appearance and then campaign for the people she had such a close association with.

Now, Dalzeal is not only accused of being white, but also under fire for "acting" black. It is well known that skin color dictates behavior and dress, and that is why young "wiggers" are social outcasts. Dolezal has been criticized for curling her hair and having a tan, both actions acceptable for a budget airline stewardess, but a big no-no for a white black woman.

When asked about her race, Dolezal said: "The question is not as simple as it seems," as it never is. "We're all from the African Continent." When asked if she "felt black," Dolezal said: "No, not since my divorce in 2004, unfortunately — Oh, you mean spiritually? Yes, embarrassing! Please cut that last bit out."

The revelations have triggered widespread discussion about whether a white woman acting like a black woman had damaged the campaign for racial equality, as without racial inequality, there would be no racial equality campaign. Unstoppable Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, Senator Elizabeth Warren, and honorary Indian professor Ward Churchill have all noted that campaigns for minority rights are far too important to be put in the hands of actual minorities. For his part, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas commented: "We be white." But no one was buying it.

The late marine biologist Jaques Cousteau was embroiled in a similar scandal when he expressed the desire to become a full-time tuna. Cousteau's defense was that we all came from the sea. Underwater, they don't mind what race or indeed species you are — provided you're not a shark.