UnNews:Former White House press secretary hired by Tallywackers

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10 June 2015

Robert will give a half-price lap dance with every beer pitcher ordered.

DALLAS, Texas -- Robert Gibbs, the former White House press secretary, has been hired by the first “male Hooters" restaurant chain Tallywackers as a topless waiter on roller skates; making the closing stages of his downhill career-path almost effortless, provided he keeps his balance.

Gibbs was just 33 when appointed as political advisor to President Obama in 2004, and served as the 28th White House Press Secretary, during the first term of Mr. Obama's presidency. Gibbs then worked as a contributor to MSNBC, before making the move to sexy, dollar-in-thong waiter.

Tallywackers is for nice boys.

As is often seen at the pinnacle of Government and large corporations, many high-achievers opt to take a reverse career path. Entering at the highest level young, they work their career back to what it should have been during, or just after higher education. One of the most successful reverse-career pathers was Congressman, William J Jefferson (D-LA). In just three years, Jefferson went from being a member of The U.S. House of Representatives, to being an unlicenced market trader, to spending thirteen years in prison.

Now very much entwined in the hands-on world of the Tallywackers shop floor, Gibbs manages communications and brand-enhancement between the customer and the kitchen. Negotiations may include provision of two-for-one on Coors Lite, half-price make-up vouchers at Sears or the local tattooist; as well as free fairy cake and a personal lap-dance for the bride-to-be/birthday girl/birthday boy.

Michelle Obama, having recently launched her “Let's Move” healthy eating initiative, is unimpressed with Gibbs move to Tallywackers. The First Lady said she was perplexed and irritated that a greasy, unhealthy, nutritionally and morally desolate company would be attractive to Gibbs.

Gibbs doesn't see it like that, “Tallywackers is located in the Oak Lawn neighborhood with a good size gay population,” he said, “I have been appointed to improve the image of the company to the LGBT residents, through our marketing campaign and as eye-candy for the boys and girls. I openly invite Mrs Obama to Tallywackers, to show her why, as a popular communications strategy, LGBT whoops health's ass with its hands tied behind its back.”