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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Sunday, May 16, 2021, 21:41:59 (UTC)

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Boris Johnson in dispute about soft furnishings
LONDON -- Prime Minister Boris Johnson defended his and girlfriend Carrie Symonds' decision to make their home look like a waiting room to a Turkish brothel.

"As I have often said, I have Turkish ancestors," said Johnson in a debate in the House of Commons. "What better way to celebrate than to show people that I am not a simple nationalist Brexiteer but that I am proud of my mixed heritage?" Full story»

Pharaoh Philip dies of old age
LONDON -- Crowds cried, dogs barked, and petrol bombs were thrown in Belfast as one of Britain's greatest leaders, Pharaoh Philip, died at his Windsor temple.

An adopted son of Great Britain, Philip was just a couple of months short of his century when death bowled him a googly and claimed his mortal wicket. Full story»

Toast seen in face of Jesus
TORONTO -- Most of us have seen the face of Ronald McDonald in the randomly distributed rocks of the Martian surface, the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich or the Mona Lisa in yo' Mama’s pubic hair.

Now, scientists at the University of Toronto have shown that this Pareidolia effect works two ways. Full story»

White House devil dogs run amok
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Joe Biden's two "hounds from hell", Champ and Major, are spreading fear in the White House.

The dogs are busy chasing and terrifying Biden's staff by biting people judged to be "less than on-message" and relieving themselves in an area of the West Wing carpet reserved for visiting members of Congress. Full story»

Egyptian economy crashes as Moses blocks the Red Sea
THEBES, Egypt -- The Egyptian economy has crashed after shipping was blocked from using the Red Sea by Moses. Ships are currently lying idle on either side of a barrier created by Moses using his staff and illegal Jewish aliens.

This latest blow followed a recent spate of plagues which had seen the country covered in frogs, locusts and lice. Full story»

Markle begs royals to spare her head
LONDON -- Queen Meghan Markle of England, currently chained up in the Tower of London, has complained to the media about her treatment at the hands of King Harry VIII.

Though Queen Meghan officially supplied an heir to the throne with Prince Archibald, royal insiders say Queen Meghan wasn't the mother of the child, as it was neither black nor foreign-looking. Full story»

Neanderthals blast Biden slur
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Joe Biden is in trouble with the Neanderthal community after he compared them to Republicans.

Angry Neanderthals appeared on Fox News, saying that they are far more evolved than Republicans and that it was an insultto compare them to Eric Trump and Marjorie Taylor Greene. Full story»

Trump resurrected at CPAC
ORLANDO, Florida -- Republicans at this year's un-Woke CPAC (Conservative Political Anti-Antifa Conference) took up the "cancel culture" that declares that certain people are not welcome.

Day 1 of the conference will illustrate by example, on Sen. Mitt Romney and Rep. Liz Cheney. Full story»

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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»


TV Highlights May 16

Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.