UnNews:Thousands of British Kings buried under car parks

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24 May 2015

Legislation after the Royal Family's 520 years of back fines for Richard III's illegal parking will put dead royals back in cathedrals, where they belong.

LEICESTER, England -- Just three years after the extraordinary discovery of King Richard III under a car park, the history books are being re-written as thousands of car park managers are discovering British Kings under their car parks.

Since repairing Greyfriars car park in Leicester to its original state, as well as a full re-tarmacking, and the Royal Family paying 520 years' backlog of parking fines, Philippa Langley – the inspiration behind the hunt for Richard III’s remains – has been inundated with calls from car park owners, claiming to also have Kings buried under their car parks.

The UK has 56 Kings, according to the history books. However, there could be more like two to three thousand in Southern England alone. Tens and even hundreds of Kings who should be buried in cathedrals, abbeys and monasteries are being discovered by car park managers on a daily basis.

Archeologist is quite surprised to discover King George XXLVIII must have looked almost exactly like a KFC family bucket.

“I never thought this would be such a Pandora’s Box,” said Langley. “There is a car park owner in Milton Keynes who says he has found the remains of King Henry XIII while examining an area of his pub car park that needs re-surfacing. Amazing, I never even knew there was a King Henry XIII.

“We are already excavating another car park in Reading, where the owner said he’s got King Richard XV by the bicycle rack. Our on-site archeologists thought they drew a blank after initial digs, but eventually found the remains of a cocker spaniel. Nobody expected Richard XV to be a cocker spaniel!”

Speculation is growing among historians and archeologists as to why so many UK Kings had been buried under car parks. Some think car park owners offered a “pay and decay” service protecting the dead monarchs from exhumation, as pneumatic tools strong enough to penetrate tarmac were not invented then. Others think car park owners offered up their lots as royal graves, as a cheeky way to get some publicity and a free surface repair.

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