UnNews:Trump's last-ditch election strategy
| We have met the enemy, and he is us | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, April 19, 2024, 22:16:59 (UTC) |
| Trump's last-ditch election strategy | 
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31 October 2020
PARKER, Pennsylvania USA -- Having failed to make much of a difference in the polls by tearing around the USA pretending to be Superman, Donald Trump, self-proclaimed Master of the Universe, saviour of America, #1 political strategist of all time and contender for the Guinness Book of Records Award for most confabulations delivered without drawing breath, has gone into the home stretch of the campaign with a brand new strategy. We managed to get a few words in edgeways as President Trump was leaving a rally in Parker, the smallest city in Pennsylvania and indeed in the USA.
UnNews: "President Trump, it is said that you are adopting a new strategy as the campaign veers into November."
DT: "That's Yesvember from now on. Yes to prosperity, Yes to health, Yes to world leadership and Yes to me."
UnNews: "Interesting way to look at it. There are a lot of people saying that the USA is poorer, sicker and weaker than it was a mere four years ago."
DT: "Just because people who don't like me are poor, sick and weak doesn't mean they should be allowed to project their own failings on the USA and by association, me."
UnNews: "I understand that the Roman emperors were fond of naming months after themselves. Is this a sly reference to your political aspirations?"
DT: "Much as I admire strong leaders who care enough for their subjects to demand obedience from them, I can't speak Latin for beans. The idea does have a certain glow to it, though."
UnNews: "Could you explain this new strategy to us?"
DT: "I got the idea from a guy named Stephen Colbert. Now for all of his poor, sick and weak complaints about me, he did come up with one brilliant idea."
UnNews: "And what was that?"
DT: "Truthiness. If you looked closely between all the lies, misrepresentations and fake news that he keeps repeating, this truthiness pops out. You see, if you say something with enough vehemence that makes it true."
UnNews: "We have heard about truthiness, Mr Trump. It doesn't always work."
DT: "Of course. It only works on people who want to hear what you say. They're the people who vote for me and the whole point of this campaign business is to get people to vote for you."
UnNews: "So is that why you are here today in Parker, Pennsylvania?"
DT: "That's right. I've probably picked up several thousand votes in the rally we just had."
UnNews: "I only noticed about a dozen people who said that they had come for the free hot dogs. Besides there are only about 800 people who live here."
DT: "That's because you didn't see all those people watching their TVs."
UnNews: "I didn't see any camera crew."
DT: "All recorded beforehand. If you do it live there are always poor, sick, weak people counting the crowd."
UnNews: "Okay. It seems you're saying that poor, sick weak people don't want to vote for you."
DT: "I think you're getting the idea. Now if can get this across to people, they're going to think that if they vote for me they won't be losers."
UnNews: "So you're not worried about the recent polls that don't seem to be going your way."
DT: "Not worried at all. People who do those polls ask people who they're going to vote for. I tell them who they're going to vote for."
UnNews: "I guess we'll have to wait for Tuesday to see how well this works."
DT: "Maybe a lot longer than that. I've got to get moving now. Lots of rallies in lots of places. Gotta make Sleepy Joe look bad."
UnNews: "Thanks for the interview President Trump and drive carefully. There's been some flooding and washouts around here."
DT: "Careful people are losers. You mark my words."
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |