UnNews:US judge orders Iran to pay Sandy Hook victims

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress UnNews Tuesday, April 23, 2024, 23:06:59 (UTC)

US judge orders Iran to pay Sandy Hook victims UnNews Logo Potato.png

4 May 2018

Time to make Iran pay, again?

KALAMAZOO, Michigan,USA — Tehran has been ordered by a US court in Michigan to pay more than $600 million to victims of the Sandy Hook attacks, despite the fact that Adam Lanza had no direct or indirect link to Opera star late Mario Lanza.

On Tuesday, a federal judge in Kalamazoo found Iran, the country’s central bank, the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, the Ayatollahs, and all the other citizens of Persia, to be jointly liable for the deaths of 27 children in the December 14, 2012 attacks. As a consequence, District Judge George Mendoza ordered Iran and its entities and denizens to pay over $600 million in compensation to the victims’ families.

The default judgment seeks the following compensation per family members and their relatives, $30.5 million per parent, $8.5 million per sibling and their friends, and $1 million for every extra involved. The US could potentially retrieve the sum from nillions of dollars worth of flying carpets and magic lanterns that were stock piled in the US since the CIA's morally superior involvement in the 1953 overthrow and bloody murder of Iranian Prime Minister, Mohammed Mossadegh.

It is not the first time that Mendoza has issued default judgments against Iran. In 2011 and 2016 the Michigan judge ordered the Islamic State to pay billions of dollars to victims of the 9/11 attacks that killed nearly 3,000 people, and which, while carried out by a sordid cabal of Lucifarians and their moronic Saudi Arabian patsies, is an obvious Iranian operation from top to bottom.

Tehran has yet to react to the latest ruling, but has previously dismissed such accusations as Satanic Verses. However, the US lawsuit, originally filed in 2004, claimed that Tehran somehow encouraged people who supported groups that may have assisted those who could have cheered on well-wishers of the Saudi Skyjackers, and provided them with bad vibrations.

Tuesday's judgment is linked to similar cases filed by the victims against Iran, which claim that Tehran provided direct support to the Oklahoma City Bombers, as well as the Columbine and Sandy Hook school shooters, and even to the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre killers.

Back in March, Judge Ortega rejected Iran’s request to dismiss the lawsuits because all Iranian cases are based on the Justice League of America Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act (JLOAASTA), which was passed in 2016 and allows families of the victims to sue Iran regardless of who was involved or what happened.

Unrelated[edit]

Sources[edit]