UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20130829
How corrupt is your local newspaper?
The UnSignpost itself has been under the spotlight this week as a battle was fought for positions of power in the UnSignpost:
- Firstly a coup was uncovered where a certain deputy chief editor attempted to over-step the Chief Editor's authority and change the whole format of the UnSignpost without authority. Then he discussed more changes with other members of Uncyclopedia without informing his superior and began to dictate when the UnSignposts would be released.
- This prompted the Chief Editor to crack down on the leaders of the uprising and initiate a witch hunt. Unfortunately as this was happening an independent inquiry discovered that the UnSignpost had been hacking users' facebook accounts and credit card details to be able to find material to keep up with demand for user biopics. The finger of blame lay on the Chief Editor himself so he quickly tried to resign before an investigation could be led against him.
In an attempt to resign, the Chief Editor handed over the role to his Deputy (the leader of the uprising) so that he could have last-minute revenge. Just as this was happening the Deputy Chief Editor announced he had to go and that he could not perform the role of Chief Editor. As he was the only other member of the UnSignpost in a capable position to take the role, the Chief Editor had to cancel his resignation and respectfully make both the former Deputy Chief Editor and himself, Chief Editors leaving a vacancy for Deputy Chief Editor at UnSignpost.
So to sum up, a vacant post remains at Deputy Chief Editor, which could be filled by YOU and this whole article has all been one long excuse as to why your UnSignpost issue was delivered late.
Everyone takes the month off
A certain "encyclopedic" parody of Uncyclopedia exhorts its readers to "be bold", ridiculing our command that Uncyclopedians "be italic," and one Uncyclopedian stepped up to be Bat Fuck Insane. As previously reported, France annexed the UK, meaning that every Englishman on Uncyclopedia took the entire month of August off, including the Chief Editor of this august journal. Former Deputy Chief Editor Anton199 stepped up to fill the void, as he lives in a worker's paradise where no one gets any time off at all.
After a brief period changing the signage to read "Acting Chief Editor" and changing the locks, then several days studying how better to mimic that "encyclopedia" wiki as a form of payback, the previous edition of UnSignpost was rolled out and delivered. The immediate result was that buttons stopped clicking on everyone's windows, and people's keyboards started getting gooey and sticky and full of hairballs even though the cat was being boarded that week. Later, little windows started popping up advertising well-endowed women who love to talk dirty at two bucks a minute. A few days afterward, problems emerged at regional power grids, there were two military coups in Africa, and skyscrapers in Mexico City resumed collapsing despite the recent new regime of redoubled Government Inspection. And the Uncyclopedia connection made it problematic to blame all of this on global warming.
In barely a week, it had all been sorted out, and the vital news of the wiki had been re-delivered in a form that more closely resembled the boring old version we had come to know if not love. One Uncyclopedian emeritus offered advice, realizing that spending so much time on an alleged "real-world job" makes it hard for us to remember what a good coder he was. The Acting Editor has not been seen lately, as the stack of MediaWiki textbooks in his office has grown taller than he is. For the rest of us, despite the initial scare, the brief pratfall was a welcome interlude to a summer at the ballpark watching lazy fly balls turn into more costly pratfalls.
Editor. Well, no. We were created not only to spread the news, but to manufacture and exaggerate it. How else to survive in a place with neither an opposition party nor actual hot spots to visit? That's why our own technical problems seem to be of vital interest. We promise to keep hyping them so as perhaps even fill another issue.
Journalist. Anton, what have been the main problems with the new format that you decided to adopt for the UnSignpost?
Anton. Well, there were many. There was an issue, for instance, over the content box (see just above). So the latest issue disappeared from everyone's talk page. Then Pup fixed everything but we found an excuse not to redeliver the paper. And now we've made a new one which was supposed to be delivered even before the old one. But it all went wrong.
J. Is this connected to the forum on the Village Dump?
A. No, of course, not. I mean, it is, officially. But the forum was pointless from the very beginning. Not only was the vote fixed from the start (just like elections in Russia), but almost ignored at the end (it was not completely, your opinion always counts!), when Pup suggested another way to repair the UnSignpost. But again, we made a good excuse to put off the actual delivery!
J. And what are you planning to do next?
A. Go on vacation. Even though it is a bit late.
Drunks protect Uncyclopedia from other drunks
After the many scandals with churches in recent years, it came as no surprise when Uncyclopedia's very own "Padre" — the Reverend P. Pennyfeather — was caught with his trousers 'round his ankles, dancing on a table, holding two pints in each hand at the pub last night.
First, the Reverend replied to a post from Denza: "Your'er most ealcome to, if you so wish. How are you these days>? Still addicted to DungeonSiege510? Or ate you on that bastatd rehav?" – an utterance on which Google Translate has drawn a complete blank. Our best guess was that "rehav" was referring to "rehab" (rehabilitation), his presumed destination after this bender. After disastrously applying British spelling to the HTML tags in a template, the Reverend — who doubles as Uncyclopedia's official proofreader — turned to vote on nominations on VHF [sic].
Finally, the Reverend was dealt a protective two-hour rap-on-the-knuckles by a big, blue, plastic ban-stick, which unfortunately went into the system as a two-week ban. The admin in question admits to a signature Oil Can of Labatt's of his own but claims the top was not popped until after this particular lapsus dedis, a claim that cannot be verified from the Uncyclopedia logs. One of the Reverend's loyal friends detected this error the next morning and it was cheerfully curtailed, though only after the Reverend endured a morning of silent suffering, also bacon and black coffee, all of which were reportedly ineffective.
Consulting the Pirate Code
After a long and amusing discussion about Commanists and commas on the Reverend's talk page two conclusions were reached. One was that for now on all irrelevant conversations that are neither to do with the user whose talk page the discussion was on or to do with writing articles, ought to go on BHOP. The second was an idea presented by ScottPat that the event where one asks Spike to resolve a situation on grammar or rules is to be known as "Consulting the Pirate Code."
Competitors and Features
- Platinum (6/0)
- Italian Tanks (6/0.5)
- Oz (TV series) (5.5/0)
VFH Highlight of the Week
- Alain Robert (8/0)
DSA510/Denza
The tale of Denza is a long, strange, random, and stupid one, but I feel, that it is time that you should hear this epic tale, of... something. Anyhow, there is little known about Denza, save what his userboxen tell us about him. He lives "somewhere in Kirkland" as he will not disclose his actual adress to the USP. What we do know, is that he is excellent in maintaining multiple personalities, and actually uses a different personality on this site than real life. He also manages to be hyper, in a wiki, which was thought to be impossible. Now, the reason he uses the username, DungeonSiegeAddict510, as opposed to the username "Denza252" is because he was hacked... or something, and was told that he should get a username that is not similar to his last one. He got found out within days. But he is making efforts to redeem himself through edit patrolling and editing a few articles. Anyhow, he is a very enthusiastic, 15 year old induvidual, a bit on the paranoid side, and claims to be an adorable crossdresser... who is turned on by blood (no, really!). His dream is to rule this miserable planet under an iron fisted rule. He is totally not insane, btw... just eccentric... he also likes using whatever the three dots in a row are called... He is also a member of the FORBIDDEN TRINITY (Uncyclopedia, Wikipedia, and TV Tropes (He uses the same username in wikipedia, but uses Denza252 in tvtropes.)) His main weaknesses are social interaction related, but he likes talking to people, mostly about his many fields of interests. He enjoys listening to J-Pop, due to the high metaphor/symbolism occurance rate, but also enjoys electronic music, and some rap. He is skilled in painting and drawing, and plans to make his own manga someday. He also plans to open a buisness of some sort.
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