UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20130930
A Trip to HQ!
By Spike
Following a curious announcement in the Site Notice with absolutely nothing to click on, details are finally leaking out that, during the week of July 22-26, Wikia Inc. invited active Admins to evil corporate headquarters for a chalk talk on future directions. (Your correspondent declined the offer, as the dog-and-pony show occurred in the stretch drive of the local baseball season, and he had already pencilled in a week of stretching. Also of yawning, which would not have played well in Wikia conference rooms.)
Admins Romartus and Simsilikesims accepted the invitation and got all-expense-paid trips to Wikia City (pictured) with door prizes including the newest "wearable Internet appliance," with which future Uncyclopedia readers will be able to use the site, sans keyboard, to view hilarious pages, one word at a time; also to signal their reactions in binary by either pressing the tiny screen with their thumb or not doing so. Like most corporations, Wikia also has a surfeit of imprinted coffee cups and T-shirts and these were offered as further inducements to put the corporation first.
Before the fact, Romartus had said there would be a choice between a trip to Alcatraz or a Major League Baseball game, and this writer was eager to help him interpret America's repair of the game of Cricket. But afterward, Simsie wrote only of a romantic dinner cruise, surely using Dramamine to "sweeten" her signature coffee.
Whatever the extracurricular activities, Romartus, who has been promising for two months to file a trip report in the Village Dump, was so moved he has been unable to bang out anything but an email a month ago about the experience. But we are now able to offer a sneak peek about the time spent in the belly of the corporate beast:
- Wikia is studying developments at Wikipedia, such as their edit-box-free interface that was called What-You-See-Is-What-You-Get editing when MS-DOS got one in the 'Eighties; also technical improvements by which we might better imitate Wikipedia.
- Wikia is also working on better renderings on iPads and phones, although the only current result of their efforts was the entertaining side-effect of rendering PuppyOnTheRadio incommunicado, something secretive organizations of the past used to do with the Cone of Silence. Wikia stated that 30% of traffic to Uncyclopedia is now on the mobile platform.
- As some of Uncyclopedia's more sensitive artists have noticed, the beloved Content Warning, over which we conducted three cordial rounds of debate, is a casualty. In exchange, Wikia will continue policing obscenity on the site. But it will judge each case in context and will make notorious mistakes involving Featured Articles on a regular basis just to be sure we are paying attention.
- There might be new writing competitions, with prizes of actual value to the recipients, provided we help the corporation launder the money. Wikia had other ideas to attract new writers for whom simple instant, global publication of their chicken-scratchings is somehow not enough.
Our two scruffy Uncyclopedians also met with real-live suits, who talked about advertising clients interested in associating themselves with "edgy" content involving only the gentlest additional censorship. Our delegation was, shall we say, not sold, not even by gestures from American football suggesting they would each be penalized ten yards.
Wikia assured our guys that it values the heritage and the name-recognition of the Uncyclopedia brand (which is presumably why it reacted with such vigor when another website grabbed it) and is looking for new ways to, as marketeers say, "grow" it. The irony was not lost on our guys that, if Wikia had extended such an invitation in 2012, the divisive events of 2013 would not have happened. Indeed, in the great modern world of time travel, they might yet do so; in which case, the reader should please ignore all of the above.
"I saw inside the Belly of the Beast," said Romartus, his hair turned white by the experience. "I still have a full set of spoons to prove it."
Huge killing-spree breaks out on VFD
By ScottPat
In breaking news a mass of murder atrocities have been enacted on VFD over the previous weekend. At least 4 articles are dead with many being seriously hurt. Authorities have called it "the hardest crack down on nonsensical articles in months."
It all began on Friday night when ScottPat, fed up of all the stick that the site was being given for it's non-humourous articles, attempted to go through the 30,000 articles of Uncyclopedia and VFD the ones he thought needed to go. Barely had he got through a page before around 10 noms sprang up and said user needed to do something else with his life for fear of wasting his whole night before reaching the articles beginning with the letter "A." To top this rampage up, ScottPat then went on to add one of his own articles to the spree, an idea which he had toyed with for months but realised finally that the only reason he hadn't deleted it was the Brian Cox quote which wasn't a valid enough excuse. He then settled back and waited for the rest of the society to finish the articles off - one by one.
As if this wasn't enough, Anton cottoned on to the idea and began the total annihilation of one of Uncyclopedia's longest running memes: "The Soujorn Meme." This added another 10 noms into the fro. Gallantly, as if for once feeling emotion at seeing so many articles torn apart, Spike stepped in to save the Half article, which had been floundering around with only one leg, one arm and one...other bit left.
By the end of the weekend the scene was devastating, articles lay sprawn over the floor dying as helpless passer-bys glimpsed their final moments. Aleister did his best to revive the few he could save and mourned for the dead ones while other angry members of the userbase put other articles out of their misery. A spokesperson from Illogicopedia commented, "What a sad way for so many random, ranty articles to perish."
All admit that the affair was necesary but some question the methods involved. Should such a user be allowed to go haywire with a deletion nomination wand in one hand? Should there have been tighter regulations on articles in the first place to prevent this wild articlecide happen? A trial is expected to be held somewhere else where the userbase is predicted to be banned from somewhere else and branded slayers of articles for life.
- Another version of the story is available at the News page.
Uncyclopedia's WW2 article shows signs of life
The community project on creating a WW2 article really got under way over the weekend when both Romartus, ScottPat and Sog1970 all wrote a section for the article. Romartus tackled in considerable detail the phoney war, in which nothing much really happens, while Sog1970 stuck to the age old British tradition of mocking the Italians for their performance in WW2 and ScottPat entered the start of a section on the Battle on the sea and in the conference room.
UnSignpost strongly encourages other members of the community to get involved in the project and add one or two sections to the fantastic article.
Into the Heart of Darkness
This Summer users Simsie and Romartus embarked on an expedition to Wikia headquarters located in the heart of the Belgian Congo, as stated in this week's headline story. Following in the footsteps of Marlow himself they entered a world of advertising, marketing, money-making and oppression. They witnessed at first sight the ins and outs of the Wikia corporation. When they returned from their expedition our reporter caught up with them to produce this exclusive interview:
What was the first thing that the head of the Wikia corporation said to you upon arrival to the head office?
Romartus: "Dr. Livingstone I presume!"
And what was your reaction?
Simsie: "Mainly confusion as I never had realised that Romartus' true identity was a famous Victorian explorer."
What did it feel like seeing each other in flesh as fellow Uncyclopedians?
Romartus: "Kind of weird but then I guess Simsie got the larger surprise when she realised that I am four foot two and only have one eye. I think she imagined me to be more of a Roman like my username suggests."
Would you care to reveal some of the secrets on how the Wikia Corporation is run?
Simsie: "What secrets? There are none!"
What was Jimbo like?
Romartus: Tall, slender, big guns. He was a handsome ma...wait, isn't this Simsie's script?
What was your meeting with the Wikia staff like?
Simsie: Oh we just sat on a riverbank near the spring of the Congo river and threw sticks into the water to try and piss off the crocodiles. Jimbo would take us out hunting lions now and again but we didn't mind these burdens of work and effort and took to the task eagerly. I think Romartus and I are both in agreement that the free coffee is the only free coffee in the World to actual taste great.
Finally, to both of you: what was your highlight of the trip?
Romartus: I've run out of things to say on my script.
No you need to turn over, the answer's on the back.
Romartus: Oh thanks. Yeah...my highlight was visiting Jimbo's personal aquarium with all the piranha fish.
Simsie: I would have agreed with Romartus there if only it wasn't for the fact that they had a really cool room called room 101 and....
Romartus: Shhh. You're not supposed to talk about that!
Simsie: Whoops, oh yeah. The lunch was good, I suppose.
VFH Nominations and Highlights
Top Nominations:
- Rubik's Cube (8.5/0)
- Stockholm syndrome (7.5/0)
- HowTo:Seize Power (7/0)
Feature of the week: Italian Tanks (9.5/1)
See also
- Worst 100 Songs To Play At A Funeral: a title that speaks for itself;
- Forum:Reviving "Uncyclopedia:Welcoming Committee": if you want to join another group on Uncyclopedia.
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