Zaphod Beeblebrox
“No, [I'm] just, a Zaphod Beeblebrox. Didn't you hear I come in six-packs?”
“If there's anything more important than my ego around here, I want it caught and shot now”
“Zaphod? He's hot.”
“Zaphod's just zis guy, ya know?”
“That Zaphod guy. Totally cool. Who else would pick you up, drop you at your destination, and then fire at you with Definite-Kill cannons?”
“I am so cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis!”
“When I think about what you've made of [your life], I find the phrase 'pigs ear' comes to mind...”
“At least one of his heads is now saner than an emu on acid”
It is a well known fact that Zaphod Beeblebrox is pretty much the coolest and hippest guy in the universe. He may have been voted the worst dressed sentient being in the galaxy, but everyone important, namely Zaphod Beeblebrox, see him for what he really is. A totally terrific and great guy.
Over the years (all twenty thousand gazillion billion grillion of the Universe's lifespan) Zaphod has appeared in numerous forms. The first was as a simple disembodied voice which regularly issued from archaic devices that populated many homes even into the early twentyfirst century, know as 'radio's. Beeblebrox was later upgraded from a disembodied voice when he paid author and scriptwriter, Douglas Adams, vast sums of imaginary money to give him a body and a plastic-and-newspaper extra-head-on-a-stick. This body was borrowed from Mark Wing-Davey who has since vanished from the face of the Earth, presumably on a flying saucer which is now orbiting the moons of Jaglan Beta.
The latest incarnation of Zaphod has been in the form of Sam Rockwell, this time with the extra head implanted inside his body meaning that his food got extra chewing before it reached his stomach. However the second head, upon realising that it was eating pre-chewwed food refused to eat any more and so Sam Rockwell died from suffocation due to the spawn of a Flying Spaghetti Monster being lodged in his throat. Beeblebrox then went on to make the HHGttG movie which was, in reality, a complete waste of time and money except for the bit where you see the Magrathean planet-making facility, because that was cool.
Beeblebrox is currently appearing in 'No Sex Please, We're Ameboid Zingadularians' on 5D TV, which is Fox by a futuristic name.
Family and 'Friends'[edit]
Ford Prefect[edit]
“Whatever may or happen from here on in, I just want you to know, that I respect you. Just not very much.”
(Woah, an actual quote from a reliable source! Here? Unbelievable!)
Ford Prefect shares three of the same mothers as Zaphod (this is believed to be related to the incident involving contraceptives and a time machine which made each and every of Zaphod's direct male "ancestors" Zaphod the Second, Third, Fourth etc.) It is believed that the two share a telepathic link as Ford Prefect's name was chosen for when he went to the planet Earth to research, and yet was thereafter known as Ford Prefect post-return to civilization. That or the scriptwriter (a.k.a. Douglas Adams, may his soul rest in peace in the highest tiers of Comedian Heaven) decided to keep it that way so as not to confuse the largely senile and/or incompetent population of Britain.
Other[edit]
Zaphod Beeblebrox does have other family and 'friends' but, to be honest, I can't be bothered to tell you about them right at this moment and therefore I bid you adieu, for now.
What more do you want? I'm not superhuman like Zaphod Beeblebrox!
Oh come on! Give a guy a rest!
Look I'll tell you more when I have a chance! There's only so much work you can do on 50 Altairian Dollars per day!
See Also[edit]
- Beer Sausage
- Arthur Dent
- Magrathea
- Iran
- Saudi Arabia
- President
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Douglas Adams
- Notable Employee: Blake Harrison
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