UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit]

  1. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  2. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  3. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  4. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  5. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  6. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  7. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  8. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  9. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  10. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  11. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  12. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  13. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  14. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  15. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  16. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  17. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  18. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  19. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  20. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  21. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  22. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  23. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  24. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  25. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  26. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  27. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  28. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  29. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  30. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  31. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  32. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  33. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  34. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  35. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  36. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  37. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  38. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  39. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  40. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  41. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena puzzlingly
  42. To subpoena a mug, is to subpoena {{adv})
  43. Mel Gibson is a real peach.

Sources[edit]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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