Gastric band
“I once used a gastric band as a hula hoop”
A gastric band is a device commonly used by fat people during sex. What they do is go to the surgery and ask to borrow a Gastric Band and wrap it round themselves and their partner.
Origins[edit]
The Gastric Band was invented by ranger cowboy Mr P. Nesshead in the 19th centery. It happened one day when he was lassoing some dreamy woman like usual when he accidentely wrapped it round a chubby sausage smuggler, Ms A. Fatcunt and was so scared that he left his lasso there and ran off. When He returned a few weeks later she had lost weight. How was this, he pondered.Then he realised that if you leave a fat person tied up in the middle of nowhere with no food, they lose weight! And also die. So that was how the Gastric Band came to use in medical and sexual practice.
Other gastric bands[edit]
The band called Gastric Band was formed in the 90's by a group of fat people to raise money for fat-releated illnesses. They all shortly died of these illnesses a mere few weeks later. However during this time they came out with some best selling hits, these include:
- Like a Rolling 50 Stone
- Give me your pies
- Your eatin' heart
- Never too much (food)