UnNews:Aussie police have an American moment

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A newsstand that's brimming with issues ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, May 19, 2024, 00:07:59 (UTC)
Aussie police have an American moment UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 July 2023

Most officers didn't even know that the armoury included more than tasers, batons, and pistols.

BRISBANE, Queensland -- Queensland police have ended a nine hour siege with a gunman, after wishing for "something to happen like it does in America" the day prior.

Two police vehicles at the scene. Nothing else.

The 33-year-old gunman who was bunkered in his home, was not met with words and tasers (as is usually the case), but with rifles and officers covered head-to-toe in tactical gear. As police negotiated with the suspect, bystanders spoke with UnNews.

"At first I thought they called in the Army on this guy," local resident Jimmy said. "But then I looked closer and they had 'Police' written on them, so then I was thinking it was the Military Police, but no, they're just normal cops — wearing full camo in the middle of a suburban street. Talk about a waste of taxpayer money."

As the Brisbane siege was happening, another was taking place in New South Wales, where officers there also responded with full tactical gear — for a welfare check. This one lasted for two days, where it can be assumed that the extra layers of body armour were just for comfort while sleeping.

"It's not everyday something like this happens, let alone twice in two states," Acting Inspector Chris Pemberton told sources. "Some might say that these responses were out of proportion, but the lives and safety of our officers are top priority — especially when they are dealing with suspects armed with fully loaded water guns."

Meanwhile in Melbourne, Victoria Police also had their own "American moment" when they were given hot dogs instead of snags while at Bunnings.

As police hang up their tactical gear and heavy weapons, in which they will gather dust until the next 'big' incident a few years from now, Americans have voiced for their own police to go a day following the average duties of their Australian counterparts when not "going full American", if only so that they can commit crimes and be rewarded for it with a free vegemite sandwich and a lift home.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Aussie_police_have_an_American_moment&oldid=6209352"