UnNews:Australia supports plan to save Great Barrier Reef

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29 June 2016

Illegal immigrant fish are turned away at the barrier, but how much longer can it provide protection to Australia's party aquatics?

GREAT BARRIER REEF, Australia -- Twenty thousand pufferfish shoaled in Australia this week to have a group puff and discuss environmental issues.

There has been growing concern over the sustainability of Australia's great barrier reef and what that means to its lively underwater ecosystem. On the surface, the Australian government has acknowledged more needs to be done to protect the environment. However, the Climate Council are saying that peering below the surface, it is possibly too late.

The great barrier has been halting illegal immigration into Australia — preventing hundreds of unwelcome sea organisms, such as stingray, from entering Australia without a Swim Visa — for decades. However, throughout the tropical South Atlantic, the largest barrier in the world has been weakening. It is well known among the raving rainbowfish that within Australia's barrier reef, lies the littoral party capital of the world.

Eventually, the pufferfish overwhelmingly agreed that they had enough of listening to bloody seahorse-huggers and decided just to hire more sharks as doormen, then 'get off their faces on coal'. Unfortunately Old King Coal, the global purveyor of coal, has declined to comment on this.

As a result of the puffers' decision, the Australian government has endorsed a new coal mine to be built in Queensland that promises to provide enough coal for the sub-aqua community to get suitably off their faces. However, there has been staunch opposition from conservatives.

Firstly, it is unclear as to how exactly the puffer's plan of action will improve the great barrier. Furthermore, there is concern that in order to reach the fish, the coal will have to be moved through the great barrier itself. This is particularly concerning since the area around the great barrier is often frequented by tinder-obsessed sea turtles, trying to hook up with whales. Conservatives also strongly support Old King Coal who, due to currently being on holiday in Hawaii with his dog, has been unable to ratify plans for the new coal mine.

There has been alarming evidence emerging that the Australian government does not give a toss about the great barrier, any more than its wayward marine life does. For example, Australia's government recently invested $7 billion in a cheeseburger factory. The waste from the cheeseburger factory, predominately excess cheese, has been dumped into the sea, thus weakening the great barrier further, but gives fish a plentiful supply of munchies, when they are too off-their-fins to swim.

The Climate Council has expressed dissapointment over local marine life's blasé attitude to the environment, especially since the arrival of some powerful bass at the fragile rock face. They have been fining the Australian government for this disregard of waste cheese ever since and state firmly, 'Australia is being very backwards'. However, there is some good news: Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced $1 billion will be spent to secure the great barrier. However, after the major investment of the state-owned cheeseburger factory, it is unclear where exactly the funds will come from.

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