UnNews:Eyes have it as Sheik Cyclops emerges as Islamic fundamentalist front runner

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out ✪ UnNews ✪ Tuesday, May 28, 2024, 23:17:59 (UTC)
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28 January 2013

Better one big eye than two smaller ones.

Somewhere, Pakistan --

Islamic jihadis are said to be close to voting for an international leader to replace Osama bin Laden, killed by the Americans in a raid in Pakistan in 2011.

Since the death of the bin Laden, Islamic fighters have struggled to find one leader to unite them. Now apparently the field has narrowed to two men and a mythical beast. The contenders are the North African based terrorist Mokhtar Belmokhtar, Afghanistan's Taliban leader Mohammed Omar and the cyclopean monster Polyphemus from The Odyssey. Not considered was the super hero Cyclops from Marvel comics on the grounds of costume obscenity, being American and a suggestion his disability was a matter of wave length.

The emergence of Polyphemus (or Sheik Cyclops as he now prefers) as a possible Grand Master of the Optically Challenged was a surprise say experts. A giant cannibal with a ferocious temper, Sheik Cyclops had previously only bothered Greek heroes and Sinbad but now says he wants to broaden his terror range.

"Belmokhtar and Omar are pussies compared to me," Sheik Cyclops is reported to have boasted. "I have the right qualifications for this job. I live in a cave, I don't like foreigners and I have bigger one eye than those two. I will try and grow beard and cut my horn off but otherwise, sign me up as leader."


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