UnNews:Scientists find new galaxies

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24 February 2016

As the scientists used radio waves rather than a lens, there is no image of the new-found galaxies in the Pocket Protector. However, they are surely as interesting as this file photo.

SYDNEY, Australia -- A radiotelescope last used in 1969 to broadcast television of the Apollo 11 mission has found hundreds of new galaxies.

Scientists at the Parkes telescope west of Sydney counted 883 galaxies, some of which qualify as new discoveries and some of which were already on picture postcards that tourists can buy. Professor Lister Staveley-Smith said the ancient telescope was used because sophisticated electronics were attached to its "back end"; to-wit, the eyepiece was replaced by a transistor radio.

"It is the most modern equipment we have out here," Staveley-Smith added, though cannibalizing the radio means that observatory personnel can no longer pull in the weak signal of Sydney radio and thus have temporarily lost contact with the rest of the world.

The galaxies are normally invisible because they are hidden behind the Milky Way, on the lower shelf in the candy display case. They are in a region called the Zone of Avoidance, between the Great Attractor and the Pocket Protector, beyond the part of space where objects are given names from mythology and are instead given names from basement-dwelling. Using radio waves has allowed scientists to see beyond the dust that hinders vision, though it wouldn't hurt if someone simply cleaned the display case.

The galaxies cannot be reached in anyone's lifetime. Theoretical work on faster-than-light spaceships could solve this problem, though Earth civilization would evolve out of existence by the time one returned. The research thus qualifies as yet more things that scientists do on which no one would spend his own money. However, "It’s a missing part of the cosmic jigsaw puzzle," said Professor Michael Burton at the University of New South Wales, and inherently more useful than solving a cosmic crossword, as the observatory does not possess a thesaurus either.

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