Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 6

March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day (North America & Australia)

• 3500 BCE - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharoah Ramses IV hits a velociraptor with his chariot.
• 55 CE - Romans extend their road system throughout much of Europe, giving rise to the phrase, "All roads lead to roadkill."
• 1790 - Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road becomes a popular Romanian folk song.
• 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy.
• 1912 - The cow says "Moo." Enervating, is it not?
• 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland.
• 1962 - Julia Child releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon.
• 1969 - President Nixon continues the road kill bombing over Vietnam.
• 1990 - Road kill is officially the new mystery meat in school lunches. How offal.
• 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs, "I'm going to fucking bury that dog!! I've done it before and I will do it again!! I'm going to fucking kill that dog!!"
• 2005 - Gordon Ramsay is accidentally shoved into an oven with the door accidentally blocked with a large boulder. Even though completely cooked, Ramsay is able to criticize the cooking, the side vegetables and the presentation.
• 2009 - First human road killer has been discovered in Western China. Government officials deny that it is a young Usain Bolt at his best who pwns Tyson Gay.
• 2015 - A dead raccoon in Toronto is remembered with cards, candles and flowers as it is left lying on the sidewalk for hours and hours, because Canadians.