Your Midnight "Calmings" 18+
18+[edit]
If you were stupid enough and came to here while still age under 18, your fucked. You've been warned.
So, if your actually 18+, you probably came to see big tits, since the "18+" part. Well, if so, you're goddamn in heaven right now! The information about... you know... 18+ stuff is below and sexy pictures!!! Wait a second...
*Yelling* Goddamnit Jerry, I'm trying to inform them about our body parts now!
What? Oh, save me some of that soup for me, later.
No? You're a fucking panda right now bitch!
No I'm goddamn not a panda dickass fucking panda!!!
*ended*
Welp sorry about that. Now wanna see big dicks? Great!
Boobs[edit]
If you're a damn woman, then just skip this whole damn section why don'tcha, but if your a man, then you're in for this hell-of-a-time! Big boobs are the most sexiest thing people have! You can smudge your face in them, lick them, poke them, or anything, but don't gross out your sex-mate.
Penis[edit]
Welcome to the mushroom of a guy. I'm just kidding, it's a penis. It is really sexy to woman, but boring to men, most likely. Woman can put it in their mouths and suck it, or it can be dispensed into a woman's vagina. Or men can but it between their boobs! Otherwise, if you do it with men, then you're gay.
Vagina[edit]
Well, the vagina of a woman may not be the greatest thing to look at since some are hairy and some are--hold on a second
*yelling* JERRY I DON'T WANT TO WATCH GODDAMN SPONGEBOB
Huh? Oh, well I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT THERE'S A NEW MOVIE
It's called what? Spongebob in space? WELL I STILL DON'T GODDAMN WANT TO WATCH IT AND I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHORE!!!
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH
BUT NOTHING!
Well Jerry, c'mere
Let's say bitch at the same time
3, 2, 1
BITCH
*pinches him*
HAHAH MOTHA FUCKA YOU'RE NOT WEARING GREEN!!!
YOU OWE ME A COKE SO YOU CAN'T SPEAK UNTIL YOU GIVE ME ONE OR I SAY YOUR NAME BITCH
*ends*
Fuck him, what was I going to say again? Oh, vaginas can be very hairy or black. You can stick a penis in it, men can lick it, or put their finger in it!
Sex[edit]
Sex, sex, sex, that's all what those are connected to, sex. Oh, what? Sex is where 2 people (can be a girl or boy, or girl girl/boy boy) or more get on top of each other and put his penis into her vagina or she sucks on it, and he rubs her vagina and boobs. To have a successful sex, here is the full guide.
How to Successfully Have Sex with a Woman 1. First, you and her takes all clothes off, naked 2. Second, get in a position you and she likes 3. Third, make out by rubbing your lips on hers, with your tongue in her mouth and her tongue in yours 4. Fourth, when your done, rub your hands on her boobs 5. Fifth, to get her to know your penis, let her suck on it, lick it, or whatever 6. Sixth, after she knows your penis, put it in her vagina and push it back and forth over and over 7. Repeat steps 2, 4, 5, 6, and 7 in order 8. Good job! You've passed the guide! Have fun fucking her!
How to Successfully Have Sex with a Man 1. First, you and him takes all clothes off, naked 2. Second, get in a position you and he likes 3. Third, make out by rubbing your lips on his, with your tongue in his mouth and his tongue in yours 4. Fourth, when your done, let him rub your boobs for however long you like 5. Fifth, get to know his penis by sucking on it, licking it, or whatever 6. Sixth, after you know his penis, let him dispose it into your vagina and let him push it back and forth 7. Repeat steps 2, 4, 5, 6, and 7. 8. Good job! You've passed the guide! Have fun fucking him!
A Texting Story[edit]
Mark and Lisa
Lisa: Hey babe, just got off of Kilner Av. Mark: Ok, cant wait for our adventure! Lisa: Me neither! 5 mins later Lisa: I'm home babe! Mark: Yay! Now we can have our fun!!! 8 minutes later Lisa taking clothes off Mark finally taking underwear off Mark: Honey take your panties and bra off so I can see your boobs and vagina!! Lisa: Ok Mark: You look so sexy naked!! Lisa: Ready to be fucked? Mark: Mhm! Lisa: Ok! Lemme lick your dick Mark: Woah, feels weird!! Lisa: This tastes wonderful!! Mark: Can I have a turn now? Lisa: Yeah Mark: Your vagina feels weird Lisa: Ok my turn Lisa: Put your dick in my vagina babe Mark: KK Lisa: Push back and forth now! Mark: Sure! Lisa: Uhhh Awhhhh Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Mark: Am I fucking good? Lisa: Hell yeah! Mark: My turn! Mark: Your tits are the boss! Lisa: Mhm Mark: I ♥ u Lisa: I ♥ u too babe fuck me more Mark: Ok!!! Mark is pushing his dick in her vagina back and forth Lisa: Feels sooooo good!! Their son opens the door Jack: What are y'all doing? Lisa: Having sex Jack: I want to have sex too! Mark: No, your too young for that, it's an adult thing Lisa: Well, he already saw my boobs and everything else Jack: Please come in my room!!! Lisa: MK wait Jack: NOW! Lisa: Ok Jack: get on the rug on your back Jack: teach me sex. Lisa: Okay, hold on Lisa: BABE C'MERE Mark: What? Lisa: Fuck me Mark: mk Jack: Can I try now? Lisa: Sure. Lisa: Take your clothes off first Lisa: Then get on me Jack: Ok Lisa: Now let me taste your stick Jack: Stick? Lisa: The thing your pee comes out of Jack: Ok Lisa is sucking on it Jack making grunting noises Lisa: Now put it in here Lisa pointing at vagina Jack: Ok Lisa: Now push it back and forth Jack: Okay Lisa making grunting noises Lisa: Take it out now Lisa: And lick my boobs and touch them Jack: Ok Lisa: That's it! When you're older you find another girl and kiss her and do the same stuff you learned and make out with her Jack: Ok Annie walking in Lisa: Hey Annie! Annie: Why are you naked? Lisa: I'm teaching you a new thing Annie: Oohh! Lisa: Mark show her Mark: Take your clothes off Mark: Then taste my stick Annie: Stick? Mark: Yeah, this thing Mark pointing at penis Annie: Mmmmm Mark: Now lemme put it in your vagina Annie: Ok Annie making grunting noises Mark: That is sex. Now you and Jack do it Annie: Ok! Jack: Sure Both grunting Mark: Now kiss on the lips and make out The end.
That was that. Hope you enjoyed it! If you're a kid, then don't tell your parents you saw this. If you do, it's your fault for looking at this in the first place.