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There are currently 37,251 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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June 7: Bus Stop Day
- 6001 BCE - Blueprints for a square wheel are rejected in favor of the triangular wheel.
- 6000 BCE - The circular wheel is invented.
- 5000 BCE - The wheel is reinvented. The saying "no need to reinvent the wheel" is coined.
- 215 BCE - Archimedes is arrested for indecent exposure.
- 8 CE - Portuguese scientists invent the first water-powered toaster.
- 1221 - Heinrich the magical unicorn becomes the first president of the North Pole.
- 1345 - Man invents the bus stop several hundred years before inventing the bus.
- 1555 - The bus is invented in Horsham, West Sussex.
- 1776 - The Carebear Cousins are born in an strange incident involving vinegar, a busted condom, and Bill Gates' mother. Care-a-Lot will never be the same.
- 1777 - The first water powered bus is brought into service in New Atlantis.
- 1783 - The Montgolfier Brothers have a really good wash. It was indeed an impressive sight.
- 1905 - Norway files for divorce from Sweden after 91 years of marriage. Bus custody is split equitably with visitation rights granted.
- 1973 - Tony Jaa waits for a bus to the Coliseum so he can fight Bruce Lee.
- 2001 - Mary Poppins is brutally murdered outside Aldgate East tube station.
- 2010 - Mick Jagger finally gets satisfaction. His arrest at the back of a bus while doing so is later plea bargained down to a misdemeanor.
- 2017 - Self-driving buses start service and pass up people waiting at bus stops, just like in the days with drivers.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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