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Today's featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.
The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)
The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)
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Did y'all know...
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*... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that staring into a mirror and saying "Bloody Mary" three times will get you one if you are standing in a pub or bar?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
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Dispatches from the Voice of America
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On this day in America...
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May 29: Sodium Pentothol Day
- 1789 - Thomas Jefferson creates No Anniversary Day, in order to let people rest from anniversaries at least one day in the year.
- 1790 - Several people across the country try to celebrate the second No Anniversary Day and are executed for stupidity.
- 1791 - Third No Anniversary Day. Nothing happens.
- 1804 - On the 13th anniversary of Sodium Penthanol Day (SPD), Oscar Wilde discovers an Archimedes text describing the day. He then writes, 'WTF happened to Sodium Penthathol Day?!?,' resulting in a world-wide celebration of SPD in which 2.7 million people inadvertently kill themselves.
- 1829 - Doctor What, the lord of all spelling, estranged brother of Doctor Who wonders why people in the 18th Century were unable to spell 'sodium pentothal' and then completely frogets... fargets... fergets... errr... hwo to splel himselth. There is a large riot at the 40th No Anniversary Day parade, with 28 people injured and 12 seriously killed as a statue built in honour of the parade spontaneously combusts.
- 1859 - Emperor Norton is dubbed Emperor of The United States of America and Protector of Mexico after making quick work of his obsessive fans at the final Nortoncon.
- 1989 - Iceland bans all applesauce causing a riot that is still going on to this day.
- 2005 - A long lost disciple of Doctor What, Lord of All Spelling, discovers he can alter all the spelling mistakes he wants on this site, realising a childhood dream. Yay.
- 2010 - The WNBA declare their way of playing the sport is about the fundamentals, rather than the skill. They find wearing burkas interfere with slam dunks.
- 2016 - CIA admits using sodium pentothol after spilling a large bottle in its headquarters. However, there is no reaction outside or elsewhere as everyone else has become immune from its widespread use.
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George Eastman's featured picture
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Great American heroes
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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Uncyclopedia's sista projectsUncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
America's staunchest allies
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Protected by the Declaration of Independence and an elite clan of Minutemen. God bless America!
