Zambia
“I've been there, I especially loved walking up Table Mountain like my coal-miner father did”
“OMG! I really love the Zambian seafood cuisine!! I ate sushi near Lusaka Beach and also make a huge, dickhead-shaped sand castle there. Have you seen it?”
Zambia is a land-locked country in Southern Africa. It is a nation of rebels who live in large favelas and make hip hop and drum & bass music using Garage Band on the Mac. Zambia's chief exports are Drum&Bass music, Q-fm via internet stream, and Zambian actors. Zambians are known for their good looks, awesome accents and Bella weaves.
Culture[edit]
Zambian culture used to be racism. Makaradis were the worst offenders, walling themselves up in Thorne Park whilst throwing Mosi bottles at Muntus. Favourite makaradi pass times include fighting at weddings, fighting at funerals, fighting at birthday parties, fighting at christenings in St. Ignatiuos, fighting at engagement parties, fighting at Lilayi lodge, fighting at Manda Hill, fighting at Arcades, fighting at home, fighting and knitting. They soon realised that the favelas of Thorne Park were becoming a "dark environment" so they moved to the peacefull suburbs of Makeni. Makeni is now affectionately called little Beirut.
After being enlightened by a refreshing jet of monkey urine to the face, Zambia president Rupiah Banda realised the humble and glorious subjects of the People's Republic of Zambia needed cultural notoriety in order to have a chance of appearing on UK Border Force. He butuka'd over to Zambia culture minister, Diarrhoeanho, who is half brother of Brazil deposit Kaka. He then declared that all aspects of the Zambian culture should be derived from and dictated by the awesome pupils at Nkhwazi Primary School.
Gorjis protamintamin is the beverage of choice for the young ones. Its controversial marketing campaign swept the Zambian nation with the slogan, "It makes children strong, happy and fairly drunk sometimes."
Chibuku is the 'go-to' drink of the adults and policemen who cannot afford slum beer. Slum beer is a high class beer and has often been called the Wine of Zambia (or Zam-Win). When they drink this, after a few sips they collapse and are taken home in a wheelbarrow by professioonal drunk-sweeps while listening to sweet kalindula music!
History[edit]
After the invasion of Aliens in 1964, Zambians have evolved at an alarming rate. They now have powers to receive jealousy from Zimbabweans, induce crippling sexual arousal in Asian men and cause mass confusion amongst Europeans.
Hip Hop was invented at the turn of the 19th century by a Zambian subculture bush boys also known as b-boys. In 1972 over 5,000 b-boys made pedal boats from fresh bamboo trees and made the brave trek across the Atlantic Ocean to the Bronx NYC to escape the rising heat of Global Warming. The b-boys teamed up with the MCs and the DJs and thus began their mission to infiltrate the mainstream music industry with their catchy new blend of Jazz, R&B and rythmic poetry they called Hip Hop. Zambia is famous for its country being pwned. Makaradis own the whole world.
The Economy[edit]
Copper copper copper copper copper copper copper. Investment something something developing country...China disguising theft as building infrastructure blah blah poverty yada yada kanga bongoman.
Famous people[edit]
Robert Mugabe is from Zambia, although he remains too ashamed to admit it. In the 1960s, Mugabe emigrated to Mozambique, where AK-47s could be at least be purchased without import duties. He went on to become Rhodesia's new God after driving out the white man, but continues to rape Zambia as if he still owns the place.
"Freddie Mercury" of Queen fame. Real name Farrokh Bulsara form Kamwala, Lusaka Zambia NOT Zanzibar!!!!
Words and phrases[edit]
Mamamamamama! = expression of distaste, displeasure, pleasure and taste. "He said what? Mamamamama!", " Hehey, wait till your bali comes home.Mamamamamama!", "Mamamamama this is some tasty nsima", "Luke I am your Mamamamamama", "gaga ooh lala rara mamamamamama!"
Chikala = Sweetheart (a term of endearment used as a greeting among the young men in crowded market places, a great way to get acquainted with the locals)
Tuvi or Matuvi = Nice, often used with the prerequisite 'like' as in "Ooooh this food is so delicious, tastes like Matuvi" or "This perfume is absolutely devine, smells like tuvi".
Matako = Aura of spiritual divinity. When addressing someone directly you say "I can see you're Matako". You can also say "I appreciate the beauty of you're Matako so much! Can I kiss it?"
Ya Kumbuyo = to do a thorough job or to go about a job meticulously. "Let's do it ya Kumbaya" or "Those policemen did it ya kumbaya all night!"
Shula = to laugh. Can be used in a variety of ways e.g. "I just shula'd" , "I enjoyed it so much I shula'd all night" , "Mum, I met the most awesome man, for starters he has an amazing shula" , "A shula just came out of my mouth" , "I love being in her company, she Shulas all the time and makes me Sula a lot"
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