Idiotic Table of the Elements

An atom of Cheesium.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements lists all the basic building blocks of matter. Certain columns of the table represent groups, or families of elements. This table is not to be confused with the Mahmoodian Table, which is an alternate representation of the building blocks of matter.

Families

Allergens

The Allergens, sometimes called the Flowergens, are emitted by flowers, and react readily with the human nasal system, in both pleasing and unpleasing ways.

Active Cheeses

The elements of the Active Cheeses are known for their property of readily bonding with other substances, such as hamburger, broccoli, and pizza.

Filler Materials

Substances which don't appear to conform to any given pattern are classified as Filler and stuffed in the middle of the table or shoved to the side. Their uses and properties are largely unknown: for example, nobody is entirely sure what Minnesota is for...

Alcohols

The Alcohols are known to cause increased levels of ambient Assium, and have been known to cause increases in Dissinum.

Innate Abilities

These elements are emitted by the brain during the use of psychic powers. Innate Abilities sometimes manifest in the presence of Tempertantrum and Hissifittium.

Fetishides

The Fetishides are inert, mainly because the other elements will not interact with them directly. However, Fetishides have been known to manifest in the presence of members of the Alcohols family.

History

The Idiotic Table itself was first started by Greek scientist Idiocrates in 1430 B.C.E. The early table was much simpler, and only contained four elements: Flaemon, Wettium, Windon, and Dirtium. Eventually, the table was expanded as it was discovered that each of these 'elements' were actually made from others.

By 1800 C.E., the Idiotic Table of the Elements contained over 70 elements. However, new elements were yet to be discovered, and are, indeed, still being discovered. In 2004, an element recently discovered known as Unobtainium was not obtained, and therefore not put to use in a machine that could drill to The Core of the Earth.

In 2003, many speculated upon the Element of Surprise, but it proved impossible to detect as just about everyone was already talking about it.

In 2007, Serbia was found to have similar properties of Assium and was renamed "Buttium."

In 13370, five elements were discovered and were proved to be the 1337. They were given the category "1337 Elements."

In 31337, a sixth 1337 element was found.

In 41337, a seventh 1337 element was found. It was actually found in 1338, but the scientists did not announce it's discovery, to honor the tradition that every 1337 element should be found in a year ending in 1337. People were annoyed that they had to wait 9999 years just to see another !@#$ing 1337 element.

The Idiotic Table of the Elements

Allergens	Active Cheeses	Filler Materials										Alcohols	More Filler Materials			Innate Abilities	Fetishides
1H Hydrangea												1½Jg Jagermeistrum	1¾Wiki Wiki	2Pz Pizza			2.5He Hentaium
3Ge Geranium	4Ch Cheesium	4.3Dn Down	4.4Fe Fetus				4.5Al Aluminum	5No Notsoaloneium				5.5_proofB Beeron	6C Crampon	7N Nitro	8O Oxycontin	9F Forcium	10Fu Furrium
11Cy Chrysanthemum	12Na Nachosium	13Poo Nutellium	#$@ (13.5)%) Delyrium	14En Wiki	15Ar Armageddon	44Rn Randomium	15.5AnaNg Gigantium			16Pd Puddingium	17"Ho Hardon	18_proofTq Tequilium	19Si Silicone	20P Potatium	21S Sithtium	22Tp Telepathium	23An Analium
24Tu Tulipnum	25Ca Cheddarium	26Sc Scorcesium	00Ti Tittium	27V Vaginon	28Cr Cromagnon	29Mn Minnesota	30Pn Phonicium	31Pi Magnum	32SS Nazium	33Cu Cucumberon	34Zi Zig	35_proofVk Vodkum	36Gi Gilligan	37As Assium	38Bt Buttium	39Tk Telekenisium	40Bd Bondagium
41Ir Irus	42Co Colbium	43Y Yattayattium	44Zr Zerowingon	45Nb Coltium	46Nf Nerf	47Pl Plotonium	48Ru Rubber	49Rh Zimbabweum	50Pd Copper	51Ag Agamemnon	52Cd Codependium	53_proofGn Gin	54W Wood	55Sb Submarino	56Te Tempertantrum	57Gy Gaydar	5.8Ph Pedophillium
59Da Daisium	60Mz Mozzerellium	61Lu Lithuanium	61½Hf Halfassnium	62Ta Tampon	63Wtf Watthefukium	64IQRe Retardium	65Os Oscarwildeum	66Ip Internetum	67Pt Pantium	68Au Augidogium	69Hg Hughhefnerium	70_proofCm Captainmorganrum	71Pb Peanutbutterum	72Pl Planetarium	LXXIII (73)Po Popium	74Lv Levitatium	75Bt Buttsechsium
76OMFG OMFuckinGodium	77Pa Parmesanum	78Lr Lordbyronium	79Rf Rufium	80Db Doobium	81Sl Slutatarium	82Dys Muixelsyd	83Hs Hissifittium	84Mt Mountaindewium	85Ds Dissinum	86Rg Rugbium	9201Un Uncyclopedium	88_proofKa Coltium	89Cg Chewinggum	90Tv Televizium	91Mf Motherfuckium	92Mu Medium/Polonium	93Pl Plushophilium
94Hu Human

Vegemites and Collegiates

95Rc Vegimiton	96Pr Parslium	97Slut Slutgerium	98Ce Celerium	99Cc Coconuton
100Tp Turnipium	101Dk Dukeum	118Iu Hoosierium	119Au Australium	120Am Americium

Asinines

111Uuu Unununium	102Gu Glueon	103Py Pentium	104Lm Linoleum	105U Urmomium
106Dt Ductapium	107R! Rubioium	108Kh Kittenhufnium	404 Kryptonite	109Fa Fartium
1104Ks 4Kids	112Btfk Sodomite	113GbEu Euripodium	114! Belgium	90210LOL Beverlyhillsium

Bodily Hair Metals

-5Ha Hairium	124Bd Beardium	130Ms Moustachium	141Pu Pubicum	30,012Ap Armpiton

1337 Elements

1337Leet 1337ium	1338Ko Koolium	1339Mrt Mr. T-ium	1340Wrk Werockium	1341Mc Marcoium	1342Yum Yourmomium	1343Yuk Yukydoodium	1344Ami Amirite

The Deitides

∞G_d Jehovium	∞+1Je Jesium	∞+2V Virginmarium	∞+3Bh Bhuddium	∞+4اﷲ Allahnium
∞+5Sof Sophia	∞+6Vi Vishnuium	∞+7Sh Shivium	0/0 N/A Athine	∞+8Od Odinium
∞+9Thr Thoridium	∞²Xn Xenuvium	∞³Zz ZZ-topium	∞^∞Bs Bushium	∞^אJw Jewium
∞^∞Mx Mexican	∞^∞+1Wp Weaselpudgium	∞^∞+∞Kck Chucknorrisium	∞^?Cm cum	∞^?Ag Goddium

Unknown Classification

999Uo Unobtainium