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There are currently 37,251 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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June 6: Cat Polishing Day
- 6666 BCE - Happy Birthday, Satan!
- 6665 BCE - Happy Birthday, Santa!
- 6 CE - Computer geeks begin to worry about the transition to two-digit years, doomsayers proclaim the end times and the birth of Anti-Jesus.
- 1670 - The fourth dimension is discovered in Detroit.
- 1671 - The scientist who discovered the fourth dimension dies inside it.
- 1689 - The Bastille is stormed but the mob are told they're 100 years and a month too early.
- 1690 - The person who wrote the above entry rebuilds it.
- 1900 - Centennial celebration of dinner time.
- 1946 - George W. Bush hits the US (with a big fucking stick).
- 1966 - Overpolishing of cats results in the creation of the Sphynx breed.
- 1987 - The physical embodiment of the god of whores is born in a small general hospital in London to a family with too many cats.
- 1998 - Satan builds the Flux capacitor, but nobody seems to care.
- 1999 - The Millennium Dome sneaks off to the Bell and Dragon in Bath for a pint.
- 2001 - John The Baptist meets Jesus in the local Blue Peter Bring & Buy sale. He opts to buy the cross Jesus is carrying, but turns it down in favour of a My Little Pony annual.
- 2006 - The day of Satan, and my ex-wife's birthday! Coincidence?
- 2008 - Satan decides to put off Armageddon to celebrate his birthday with his cats.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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