English grammar
“Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?”
English grammar (英/语/语/法), more commonly referred to as 'way funner than British spelling', is the way in which citizens of the U.S.A can understand what they're all getting at, so we can all see that it didn't really work. Having been basicly derived from a bunch of older languages such as Esperanto and Klingon, it's considered pretty retro.
Although English grammar has been rendered by computer nerds as obsolete, the system retains a somewhat utilitarian value on sadomasochist internet sites, otherwise known as social networks, as a way for inherently dumb people such as myself to piss off so called Grammar Nazi's, and for the so called Grammar Nazis(also me) to inject meaning into their live's by responding angrily.
First rule of English grammar for pissing people off[edit]
The apostrophe(') should be used to indicate the plural form of the noun and whenever the hell else u intend to use it with. See Laws of Grammar for the other couple rules.
Derivation[edit]
English grammar as we now know it today was invented in David Beckham's 2001 publication 'A DICTIONARY of the English Language: in which The WORDS are deduced from their ORIGINALS, and ILLUSTRATED in their DIFFERENT SIGNIFICATIONS by EXAMPLES from the beſt WRITERS. To which are prefixed, A HISTORY of the LANGUAGE, and AN ENGLISH GRAMMAR.' As afore-mentioned, elements of older languages such as Esperanto and Klingon have found their way into the English language; however since 2001 such a script has been officially discontinued and only remains in the form of 'vulgar' English; the stuff wot the backward country folk speak, and is disregarded by elitist toffs who take meticulous care over their grammar such as David Beckham and Snoop Dogg. A minority of linguists and philologists have theories that English is derived from Latin, Greek, and French; however this is obviously not the case, as those are just made-up words.
A History of the English Language[edit]
Most historians agree that the first person to speak English was Sir Bruce Forsyth, for the reasons that he is quite old and speaks English. But some historians believe it was Christopher Lee for the same reasons. Wherever the truth lies, the English spoken back in Bruce Forsyth's day could never be recognized today. He spoke what is known as 'Olde English', reported to sound like morse code to the modern ear.
The 1950s brought the advent of Elizabethan English, named so as it was the beginning of the reign of Da Queen, otherwise known as Elizabeth. Elizabethan English was the dialect spoken by Elizabeth Taylor, Elizabeth May, Elizabeth Jennings, Elizabeth Weir and this guy.
In the 1990s, Modern English was the spoken language, naively named by assholes who obviously had no idea that we'd still be around 23 years later.
How You Learn English Rightly[edit]
Every single one of the 2 people with flawless English grammar were born in Buckingham Palace and were sexually abused by their chamber maids. Although it may seem that only a minority of people have flawless English grammar, and those few were brought up under restricted conditions, there is still hope for you! because people can barely understand you no matter how badly you fuck up the grammar. Even if you are Chinese, as long as you study English grammar for 6 hours a day, you can still be understood saying 'I can take you older prease?'