Grand Theft Auto: Beirut

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Grand Theft Auto:Beirut, released July 2006

Grand Theft Auto: Beirut takes place in the Lebanese capital during Israel's evil crusading against the innocent, unarmed, and defenceless citizens of Lebanon. GTA: Beirut stars Muhammed Durka, an Islamic extremist with Iranian connections, as the protagonist. Durka must launch rockets at Israel, kill Israeli soldiers, and recruit suicide bombers in an attempt to get Israel to stop destroying his homeland.

Characters[edit]

Mohammed Durka[edit]

The main character of GTA: Beirut, Khaloudy is a Hezbollah commander who receives funds directly from both Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran, and Osama bin Laden of al Qaeda despite the fact that Hezbollah and al Qaeda have nothing to do with each other and actually hate each other but this is the truth because that is what the Bush administration tells us. With the funds he receives from Iran and al Qaeda,Khaloudy is able to buy vehicles, build bombs, buy arms, and recruit young, impressionable (and stupid) teenagers for suicide bombing missions, you kill Israelis so its ok.

Mahmoud "I Wanna Jihad" Ahmadinejad[edit]

Although "I Wanna Jihad" does not make a physical appearance in the game he does, along with Osama bin Laden.

Osama bin Laden[edit]

Mr. bin Laden is closely associated with both Durka, the Hezbollah movement, and the Iranian government despite being their bitter enemies. He also provides Khaloudy with financial support and intelligence. Bin Laden also provides Toyota trucks for missions. Toyota is the number one choice of vehicle for Islamic militants worldwide.

Vehicles[edit]

  • 1973 Citroen 2CV - The car Mohammed Durka starts out with. Very slow and unreliable.
  • Paykan - Old, boxy Iranian car. These cars are found all over the place.
  • Toyota Pick Up - The official combat vehicle of Hezbollah. These vehicles are supplied by Osama bin Laden and have 50-caliber machine guns mounted on the roll bars.
  • Donkey - Can be found pretty much everywhere, especially around black neighborhoods and ogre neighborhoods.
  • T-55 tank - Can only be unlocked later in the game, once you've completed a number of missions and found a bunch of hidden packages. Slow, but well-armored and packing serious firepower in the form of a 100mm main gun + a 50-caliber machine gun mounted on top of the turret.