Great Ape Project

The Great Ape Project, better known by its correct double-secret name The Great Ape Rape Project is an international organization comprised of primatologists, psychologists, ethicists, lunatics, and other perverts who advocate a United Nations declaration of great ape personhood so that its members will no longer be arrested for having sexual relations with chimpanzees.

Foundation

The logo of the Great Ape Project is based on the project's official song, "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles".

The Great Ape Project was quickly founded in 1993 by a man known only as Peter Singer after police caught him twiddling his monkey, Bubbles. Being a music industry millionaire, Singer was able to buy his innocence and start the group to combat prejudice against zoophiles. The group's goal is for the United Nations to confer a Declaration" on great apes enabling chimpanzees to be classed as citizens, and, by default, legally fuckable.

The headquarters of the GAP is located on a ranch in the foothills of the San Rafael mountains. In the ranch is a library containing a wealth of information on ape sexual activity, including a 1993 book by Peter Singer and Paola Cavalieri entitled Great Ape Project. In addition to an arousing Penthouse-type forum section, the book features contributions from 34 convicted zoophiles who support the project. It argues that humans have recreational sex with each other, and so do some other species of animals. i.e., if other animals enjoy humping each other, then humans, as intelligent beings who enjoy the humping, should be entitled to have sex with those animals too! "Logic is a wonderful thing," says Singer.

Declaration on Great Apes

The group's stated aim is to force the UN to confer personhood on all apes and not only the domesticated primates known as humans. This has met with little success. The United Nations big-Woop-De-Do-Ape, Kofi Annan, stated that the Great Ape Project was "Like NAMBLA... but with monkeys". The group was extremely antagonized at this comment and vented their anger by hollering at each other, beating branches on the ground, and throwing feces at Annan.

Members of the Great Ape Project contend that the declaration is necessary to stop animal abuse, whilst simultaneously wishing to sex-up the animals. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

An ape takes a break from his job as a test animal at Marlboro's headquarters. Chimps are smart enough to smoke, but, like most primates, too dumb to know the cancer risk.

See also

• Poop throwing monkeys