H R Giger-Counter
“We should blast off and nuke the site from space, its the only way to be sure....”
The HR Giger-Counter is a surrealist device created in the style and thematic execution of Swiss lunatic HR Giger. The device is frequently utilised by designers within Modern Architecture and urban planning.
Overview[edit]
The HR Giger-Counter is a device invented by Hieronymous Bartholomew Pencil (more commonly known to as H.B. Pencil). Like a standard Geiger-Counter, it is a small hand-held device consisting of a small box with a needle dial, a speaker, and a couple of spurious twiddley-knobs. A small metal wand is attached to this device by means of a curly electrical cable that was previously used on those large 1970's stereo headphones so beloved of fathers and audiophiles the world over, even in the 1990s. The audio component is recorded from the noise that Bjork makes during orgasm, plus various electronic clicks ripped off from BBC Sound Effects files.
The overall styling is inspired by the work of H.R. Giger, which is a significant design flaw, as we shall see.
Purpose[edit]
The H.R. Giger-Counter's primary use is for detecting the influences of H.R. Giger on any artistic endeavour from films to computer games to deviant art entries. Should such a piece of artistic endeavour rip off any of H.R. Giger's ideas, concepts, or Intellectual Properties, the device will emit a shrill, ear-piercing scream, also know as "the noise that Bjork makes when she cums". Any such work is then known as being "Bjorked".
The ear-shredding noise so reminiscent of Bjork in ecstacy was introduced as a necessity in order to counter a significant design problem, namely that as the design of the device itself is heavily influenced by the work of H.R. Giger, it therefore caused a permanent feedback loop. This loop means the device permanently emits a significant whining noise, meaning that either a change of design was required, or an aural assault of a noise would have to be produced to differentiate against normal background readings. As it is easier for H.R. Giger's Alien to pass through the eye of a needle that it is to get a designer to change their design when they have decided it is "kind of cute", the eardrum abuse was chosen as the easier option.
The dial is just there for the deaf or fans of Bjork, as neither of them would notice the ear-piercing screams emanating from the device whenever it comes across a H.R. Giger rip-off. H.B. Pencil decided that his device should at least be as useful to the deaf as to anyone else, although its main value is probably to the blind, as one would have to be blind not to spot a H.R. Giger rip-off from a mile away.
Conclusions[edit]
This device should only be used by those who actually give a shit if the work rips off H.R. Giger. Seemingly, most people don't, so the H.R. Giger-Counter is of somewhat limited utility. Nevertheless, it makes a nice coffee table talking piece in bachelor pads and art history museums, or a handy H.R. Giger-styled paperweight.