Homoplanteus
|
This article or section may be Overly British. Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this. |
Homoplanteus: a brief history[edit]
The creation of the Homoplanteus is thought to prove god exists but therefore doesn't. This is confusing, so to put it simply, the remarkable creation of such a being is so weird and unprecedented that it must have been created, not evolved so therefore there is no god and it all seems much harder and much, much sillier. So basically it was made in a lab in the 1950's, but later discovered as part of the Bubonic Plague also.
Now that's cleared up I can tell you what the Homoplanteus actually is. The Homoplanteus is a cross between a human and a plant. These creatures are spreading like filthy rabbits and need to be stopped.
How Homoplanteus came about[edit]
Homoplanteus is quite a rare condition, thought to be extinct shortly after the Bubonic Plague in England as the Homo Planteus gene (caused by disease) was inherited by the off spring of the survivors of the plague. Since very few people actually survived this terrible disease, most people who have this gene die inside the womb, and have the mother bearing that child has what we name, an abortion.
The swollen lymph glands (called buboes) was when the disease was trying to grow into a plant, yes, a plant. Usually the dandelion. But since the human body, however was not made by the almighty ruler, God to have plant like powers and physical features, the body rejected the disease and fought back, thus resulting in these terrible outbreaks.
The survivors of this terrible disease, had 2 extra chromosomes added to the DNA, going from 46 per cell to 48 per cell (kept telling people, 46). British Scientists discovered what these two extra chromosomes are for in 1973 on December 31st 26:43 am. Shocking as they discovered the root cause of the Bubonic Plague and what the resulting outcome was to the off spring from the parents, decided to keep it a government secret.
But this has turned out to be a government conspiracy similar to the like of 9/11 and The Rainbows.
So the real question is, what are the government hiding? We must demand for the truth, and if they still refuse to tell us the true answer at why they were hiding this disease for so long, maybe to breed a Super Plant capable of destroying Russia since the Cold War never really stopped I don't know, but what I do know is we need to let people know!
We will then take thermo-nuclear missiles, hide them at the Secret Underground Headquarters of Doom and threaten the governemnt that we will destroy the United States of America, the United Kingdom and Japan.
Ways to get rid of a Homoplanteus[edit]
Weedkiller
The most common and effective weapon against the Homoplanteus is, of course, weed killer as the above says. However, our team of experts have perfected techniques to cure this horrific and deadly disorder. This technique includes the trusty shotgun, or for an even more effective solution, we recommend a flame thrower, for the Homoplanteus this comes out with a horrible burning rash.
The feeding side of things...[edit]
The Homoplanteus, like all other plants feeds by the way of photosynthesis; carbon dioxide + water -----> glucose + oxygen Now you would have thought this is useful for the sub-species, but it isn't...
Natural Habitat[edit]
The natural habitat of the Homoplanteus is, of course, the sewer. However, a higher species than the Homoplanteus is taking over. This is the Rat, the shit of legitimate Human beings and the common dirty Chav
Predators and Enemies[edit]
The natural enemy of the Homoplanteus is of course the caterpillar, slug and the snail. These fearsome enemies are also the predators of the Homoplanteus and eat its leaves, this makes the plant talk very fast and making not much sense.