I Can't Believe It's Butter

“I can tell the difference between Not Butter and I Can't Believe It's Butter.”

~ Homer Simpson on I Can't Believe It's Butter

“In Soviet Russia, Butter can't believe it's YOU!”

~ Russian Reversal on I Can't Believe It's Butter

What Is I Can't Believe It's Butter?

I Can't Believe It's Butter is a low-quality butter product marketed as an industrial lubricant. I Can't Believe It's Butter is biodegradable, which often makes it ideal for applications in which environmental regulations preclude the use of petroleum-based lubricants.

I Can't Believe It's Butter is a yellowish, viscous liquid typically used to lubricate machine parts. It offers excellent protection against corrosion and oxidation, and can be used in environments as cold as 2°C, though it begins to break down at temperatures higher than 125°C. Stabilizers added to the mixture make it possible for I Can't Believe It's Butter to be stored at room temperature for up to 20 years without becoming rancid.

If I Can't Believe It's Butter is accidentally swallowed, induce vomiting and contact your local poison control center immediately, and you might want to watch your stool, it might be oily for the next couple of months.

Customer Reaction

Consumer reaction to I Can't Believe It's Butter met the original expectations more than the company had ever hoped before.

"Oh, sick," said one tester, "this is supposed to be butter? It tastes like... ugh..." The customer paused to find the perfect words for the flavor. "It tastes like a cat peed on my bread, and now I get to eat it."

Other samplers refused to even eat the sample that they'd be given, despite earlier agreements to do so. "I figured this would be some new spread, or something..." said one sampler. "Fuck, I don't know. This stuff smells terrible, looks worse, and I'm not eating it no matter what." He then cautiously sniffed the sample and nearly vomited.

The company, just based on these two reactions, has considered all of their work a complete success. No one yet has believed their product to be butter.

Not a single person.

See Also

This is the Taiwanese version of I Can't Believe It's Butter

• I Can't Believe It's Not a Hyperlink.