“I am legend.”
“It's gonna be legen... wait for it.... ..dary!”
A Legend, also know as a foot, is a word with many connotations. Originally it refers to Achilles' foot problems, but now it is generally used for not just the Achilles tendon, but for the entire section of the body that appears below the Legmiddle.
The renowned scientist Dr Oetker d(s)educed that although legends are often feet (or "foots", as he knew them), they could also be defined as the ends of legs that don't have feet on them, such as those of amputees and some mutants. Although some scholars called this "gross and a bit creepy", Dr Oetker's research has become popular among anglophone academics. Billy Johnson is one of the most well known legends in the land.
Controversial revisionist theorists, such as Whitbread have argued that Dr Oetker was guilty of simplifying the concept of the legend, and in fact even grosser things could be defined as legends. In the interests of public decency, however, these will not be discussed here.
Legends can sometimes be misconstrued to mean incredibly awesomely cool and exciting people, many of whom grow up to become internet memes. It is widely believed that if an individual becomes an internet meme they have reached Nirvana. It is still a topic of widespread debate as to whether they have also become a legend in the true sense of the word. Needless to say, Dr Oetker would disagree.
Reece Parker, the well known and eventually hung adult film star was born in 1991. A short childhood saw him leaving home for training in Amsterdam at the age of 4. Starring in well known films such as Back Door Sluts 2 and That's My Daughter, he is now in the Adult Film Hall of Fame for his life-changing work. He is a legend.
Billions of years before the Bible said the world was created, there were fish. Fish had no legends. They couldn't even walk, so they just swam around. One day, a fish left the water to stretch his legs. Since he used his legs a lot, they got better and his kids had better legs also, unless he had the kids before he started stretching. (See Lamarck and Evolution). Anyways, after a while he stretched enough to have legends, like "How the giraffe got its neck," which is basically what Lamarck said in Just So Stories.
Since the times of freaks, many young children have refused to take a bath. Their parents then might tell them, "If you don't wash, them someone may shoot you in the leg, and then you'll be sorry." These sick, evil parents deserve it when, 10 years later, their children kill them brutally with an axe, and a sharp axe at that. Often this may begin with some form of torture, including cutting off of the foot. If this happens, the stump of the leg then becomes the legend.
How to be a Legend
Before you become a legend you must make a decision on what type of legend you will be, will you be a bad legend or a good legend, an awesome totalitarian leader or a wimpy democrat, a cool secret police guy with a gas mask blocking off citizen riots or the police man helping the drunk guy back to his house. Usually the best way to be known as a legend is to do specific actions involving living in abandoned mines, wearing a gas mask 24/7, eating live cave fish and attacking curious cats. not only is this approach of becoming a legend awesome, it can save your life. Sometimes when I sit on a chair in the centre of the backyard, I try to remember that no matter how bad things get, as long as I can keep this gasmask on my face, I will always be what I dreamed of being as a child, a legend.