Limewire

Limewire is a tool that was created by various record labels within the music industry for the purpose of allowing users to freely share their music with each other. It is indeed a very generous offering, and when interviewed about it, the manager of EMI Records said 'Well we're just so proud of what we've done that we want people to share our wonderful gift of music for free, man!! Peace, brother!!'. What a nice chap.

While it is mainly used for legally downloading music and films, many users (who have got annoyed with their computer crashing on them a lot) also have the option of downloading a number of different viruses to get revenge and really teach their computer a lesson. Why just today my computer kept giving me that 'Page cannot be displayed' shit so I thought, OK how about a Trojan horse for your ass, huh?!? Won't be trying that shit again any time soon will ya?!?

Today, Limewire proudly serves as the number 1 virus and completely legal music provider on the Internet.

Unfortunately some users have rebelled against this free-for-all system, complaining that they are no longer able to financially support their favourite artist any more and in some cases have even been caught red-handed purchasing a copy of the original music from a record store in protest. This has resulted in a number of lawsuits which are only increasing in number by the day. Our advice? Don't do it, it ain't worth it!!

How It Works

Typical Limewire screen

Basically as the name suggest a number of wires (made out of lime) are connected from the back of the computer into a giant super-egg in the middle of the sky (owned by Dr. Eggman), which contains every song made, ever (even ones that haven't been made yet). Yes, even that one that you know exists, but, despite you not having a life and being on at three in the moring, you can't find it.

Then the user simply connects to teh internets, logs on and once connected can download as many songs, viruses and animal pornos as they can handle until they asplode.

Technical Shit

Limewire is a pee 2 pee (P2P) client which uses the G-G-G-G-G-G-G-UNITella network to get stuff from. Uploading/downloading anything from there is completely legal, unless you have permission from the original author.

As of May 31, 2042, Limewire has been downloaded 40 squillion million billion times, according to figures from Upload.com.

Some rip-off merchants have attempted to blatantly rip-off Limewire's idea and get a piece of the downloading action for themselves (but luckily nobody cares). Such programs include Crapster, EDonkeyKong, AtTheKaZoo, FrostyTheSnowmanWire and ArseLuva.

The RIAA, PETA, MADD MPAA, FBI, and Interpol fully approve of downloading anything you want with Limewire and its clones. You are in no danger of being prosecuted or sued for 50,000 times your net worth, or 500 times your annual salary (whichever is larger). Your university or employer also fully approves and will not expel or fire you if you are found using this program on their networks. Your mom also supports you using Limewire, just so long as you download something involving cookies.

Downloading

LimeWire has some blazing speeds that have a maximum 2300 Baud. It only takes a few weeks of straight downloading, hoping it won't time out, or your computer won't shut down. If you need a song, and you are craving it, you can have it ready to play withing 18 hours! The speeds on Limewire just make you so satisfied.

Another great feature of Limewire, is it's great capacity for downloads. If you are running 2 or more downloads, expect to get the following errors: Busy Hosts, Need Sources, 0 kbps (sometimes its hard to tell), Locating Sources, 300s till sources, Connecting, and the list goes on and on. The file with all the other possible error messages is probably what takes up 95% of the space LimeWire is taking.

Although Limewire offers BLAZING fast downloads, there are times which Limewire doesn't perform up to the high quality standards it's so known for. Usually this occurs when someone downloads a song with a title like: "Hey Jude The Beatles 7:03" When one who downloads a song that has a title such as: "hey jude beatles hot new track", "hey jude girl has shaking orgasm on cam", "hey jude beatles rare release MTV unplugged", or something along the lines of "FREE $50 GIFT CARD TO TGI FRIDAYS!" they're usually guaranteed to get a fast, reliable, virus free, accurate download. It will 9 times out of 8 be the song you want!

While Limewire offers many file types to download (including MP3, video, trojan, worm, virus, spyware, etc.) Limewire does not currently offer pedophiles. During July of 2008, numerous e-mails flooded Limewire's inbox asking why there were no pedophiles offered on Limewire, to which Limewire replied, "With websites like AOL, Yahoo, and Myspace along with MSN messenger, the competition for pedophiles is vicious. Limewire simply is not able to offer so many features for free."

Development

Meet the Developers of LimeWire!

Limewire has the BEST development staff. Seriously, these guys always find a way to incorporate a way to trick you into buying their pro version, through their free version. But for some reason, they don't block the pirated versions that you can download with their free version of Limewire. And you know? For some reason, when you search for a song, and you have the junk scanner on full blast, you seem to get more junk, usually at the top of your search. Starting LimeWire is another thing. When you start, you get about 5 fatal errors, and warnings, and then you should be clear to go. Who doesn't love having fatal errors everytime you download something? 2 thumbs up to the development team!

Hints and Tips for a better Limewire experience

• If you see a file called TOTALLY HIP TRACK, definitely download it because it will be exactly what you are looking for and definitely not a virus. You will be utterly blown away because it is such a totally hip track, trust me.

• If you are looking to download a large program/video or whatever and something comes up with the same name, but only around 500KB in size, definitely download that too. Basically this is a condensed version made especially for you by nice caring people just so you don't have to wait as long to download it (aren't they nice?!?). Once again, this is sooo NOT a virus.

• When downloading from someone, make sure you chat to them! Limewire has an in-built chat facility and believe me there is nothing people would rather do when you are downloading a file from them then spend their time having a completely pointless conversation with a random stranger. This works especially best if you tell them your complete life story and come across like a dangerous weirdo.

• Make sure you upload the biggest files you can possibly find on your computer to share (preferably around 500MB-ish). When people start downloading these from you, you will feel immensely satisfied that you are doing the other person a favour and the 5 hour download time will not be a problem. Don't worry about the MPAA finding you and suing you for all you are worth and then some, because their servers are all banned.