Littoral Combat Ship

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Camera-photo.svg It is requested that an image or images be included in this article to improve its quality.
If possible, please add some pictures to make it into a full encyclopedia article and then remove this message. Do not remove this notice until it receives some pictures. Failure to comply will result in this notice being added again.

“no curiosities!' answered the Ghost; `you have your navy”

~ Oscar Wilde, The The Canterville Ghost, 1887


The United States' Littoral Combat Ship is a breakthrough in naval power.

Background[edit]

In recent years there has been an increase in demand from the citizens of the US for aggressive military posturing against those countries seen as a threat. However US foreign policy experts in the Pentagon have long realised that this can inflame a delicate situation and lead to unfortunate results. They realised what was needed was a warship that looked mean and purposeful on the TV news, but would actually be no threat to anyone. Thus was born the Littoral Combat Ship concept.

Construction[edit]

Two designs, one from Lockheed Martin and one from General Dynamics met and indeed exceeded this specification. The General Dynamic's design had the advantage of being a trimaran. Every ship to this design would increase the number of "Hulls in the Water" by three, so it would give an important boost to the domestic perception of US naval power.

Offensive Weaponry[edit]

Each design is fitted with a 57mm gun. This cannot be fired as the recoil places too much strain on the hull, causing it to crack and leak. The General Dynamic's ships have a launcher for the Griffin lightweight missile, which might be able to stop a small truck at a range of a few hundred yards.

Combat Survivability[edit]

None. If they get hit by anything they will sink.[1]

Sensor Suite[edit]

The ships are provided with comprehensive surface and air warning radar equipment. It is hoped that this would give the crew enough time to abandon ship if they come under attack

Crew[edit]

Thankfully crew numbers are low, in the 40..50 range. This will reduce the number of casualties.

Helideck[edit]

The ships have large helidecks. This gives the crew a good place to muster when awaiting evacuation from their stricken vessel.

Engines[edit]

Yes, they have engines, and sometimes they work.

Green Credentials[edit]

They are believed to be biodegradable in salt water.[2]

Citations[edit]

  1. Lerman, David. "Little Crappy Ship", Blooburg.com, 28 March 2013. 
  2. Axe, David. "Builder Blames Navy as Brand-New Warship Disintegrates", Wired, 23 June 2011.