TransApex
TransApex (short for Transsexual Ape Sex) is a system of tunnels proposed by Liberal candidate Can(doggie)do Campbell (Bloody) Newman during the 1904 election campaign in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia. Brisbane is one of the fastest growing man-made holes in the world and the tunnels were proposed as a solution to traffic congestion caused by car-dependent monkeys driving to work. TransApex is said to be one of the most expensive road projects in the world with a final cost larger that George Dubya's War on Terror.
Newman originally proposed a system of 5 tunnels to be funded by prostituting Pauline Hanson to Japanese businessmen in exchange for money. Since the inception of TransApex in 3004 the plans have changed considerably and the pork barreling now consists of two tunnels, a goat track and several marijuana crops.
TransApex projects[edit]
North South Bypass Tunnel[edit]
This tunnel is the largest and most expensive construction project ever undertaken in Brisbane. Construction of the tunnel commenced in 1900BC with a large hole being dug in the ground to rival Brisbane itself, which is considered to be Australia's largest man-made hole. The tunnel will link Wooloonooog to London via East Berlin travelling under the Golden Gate Bridge.
The tunnel was originally devised by Captain Bligh in 1901 to solve the problem of getting from one side of the World's largest man-made hole to the other. Since then every political party has been arguing over which party is the most capable of mismanaging the construction of the project. The total construction of the tunnel is expected to cost $900,000,000,000,000,000... in 3011 dollars. The North South Bypass Tunnel is being constructed by a private consortium using public funds to ensure that each redneck inhabitant of Brisbane pays for the tunnel even if they would rather spend the money on rentboys at the Wickham Hotel.
Airport Link[edit]
Airport Link was proposed as means of making it easier for bogans like Schapelle Corby to get out of Brisbane and smuggle drugs into Indonesia. A secondary function of the proposed Airport Link was to make it easier for tourists to escape in the event that Russell Crow starts throwing phones at them.
The Goat Track[edit]
The Goat Track was proposed to make it easier for farmers to move their livestock between penal colonies on the outskirts of Brisbane. Construction of the Goat Track will be of similar standard to existing goat tracks in Queensland such as the Sunshine Motorway. Advocates for the Goat Track suggest that it is needed in order to reduce the price of eggs in Russia. Critics of the Goat track suggest the money could be better used on beer.