Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 1

August 1: Independence Day (Switzerland), Swiss Cheese Day (everywhere else)

• c.800 BCE - In what is now Switzerland, the Helveti build a system of sea walls and other defenses against ocean waves and storms, "just in case".
• 1648 - Switzerland is invented by the Peace of Westphalia, made up of pieces of Europe that everyone feared to invade. Residents would immediately clean everything and have a wheel of cheese and a watch made by sundown.
• 1790 - Aerosol spray cans are invented to dispense things like deodorant and soft cheese. Most people prefer to have cheese in their armpits.
• 1844 - The FBI executes a sting operation intended to disrupt turnip trafficking, apprehending turnip kingpin Baldrick (pictured).
• 1910 - Los Angeles suffers it first drive-by shooting from a car, a Ford Model T. However, the culprit is quickly apprehended by LAPD, who were chasing on foot.
• 1919 - The people of Zimbabwe elect their first Lord High Bison.
• 1928 - The altimeter is invented allowing more pilots to confidently fly into cloud formations and into mountains.
• 1957 - Rod Serling is ticketed in the middle ground between light and shadow for driving at noon in a Twilight Zone.
• 1979 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is elected. He later appoints marsupials to the judiciary, resulting in the establishment of kangaroo courts.
• 1980 - Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is assassinated by a koala. Conspiracy theories quickly emerge as witnesses claim to have seen a surfer on the grassy knoll.
• 1996 - The overuse of the word "thing" becomes a thing.
• 2015 - France declares war on Switzerland as its cheese industry takes a massive blow from swiss cheese sales. 1 hour 45 minutes later they surrender.