Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hearing voices
Hearing voices[edit]
More approachable article
Inept paladin (talk) 23:59, January 22, 2015 (UTC)
{{Review_request|23:59, January 22, 2015 (UTC)}}
Reviewed[edit]
How and why is it funny? Any suggestions?
The overall humor is pretty good. The "knifing them and knifing them and knifing them" bit and the questionnaire were my favorites. But consider rewriting or cutting out your "Ongoing research" section: it's just one sentence where the joke falls completely flat. Try expanding it with something else about the research to be done, for example.
How good is an idea behind the article?
The concept is a little inconsistent at times. The main theme I see here is the standard encyclopedic tone, while at other times you write as though you're the one hearing voices, and then you have a whole section asking the reader to find out if they're hearing voices. You have three distinct strategies here; pick one and stick with it (the encyclopedic approach is the one I'd recommend).
How good does it look and how well does it read?
Again, see what I wrote in the Concept section above about having a consistent tone. There's also a few minor spelling and grammar issues throughout the article, although overall it is pretty good quality.
One problem area you may want to focus on is the set of "three most established forms of lapsing into madness via hearing voices" in the intro. You should make the individual headers here stand out more, perhaps with a bulleted list or bold formatting. The first item itself is also a bit too lengthy for my tastes:
| “ | Hearing your own voice describing your thoughts - like you are right now if you can't read in your head without hearing your own voice, unless of course you cannot read in your head at all, in which case it is your actual voice you're hearing (although it is also possible that you are hearing your own voice in your head at the same time as you are hearing it out loud, if this is the case than you should seek medical advice immediately). | ” |
Break this run-on down into smaller sentences for better readability, if possible.
One last note: try to avoid using simple links with autocomplete to other articles, where you end up with something randomly capitalized in the middle of a sentence. For example, Hallucinations should look like hallucinations since you didn't start the sentence with it, and there's no reason for the "H" to be uppercase. It's a minor issue, but when it occurs it is distracting.
How are the images? Are they relevant, with good quality and formatting?
The images are good, particularly the last one. No criticism here.
The article's overall quality - that indefinable something.
{{Pee}} score: 7.5
An overall summation of the article.
A very promising article that just needs to be tightened up and cleaned a little bit. Keep at it! You're off to a good start. Note: this is my first-ever Pee Review. Feel free to let me know how useful it was on my talk page.