Uncyclopedia:Wilde/RandomAnecdote

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Oscar Wilde is looking through a large telescope at the Royal Observatory. "Look, I can see Uranus," he says to the astronomer, only he pronounces it YUR-uh-nuss, so the astronomer doesn't get the joke. Wilde tries again: "I said, I can see your bum, your arse, your rump, your posterior," he says. The astronomer checks his pants, but completely fails to make the connection. "I'm talking about your bottom," says Wilde, exasperated. But the astronomer has already fallen asleep. "Wake up!" screams Wilde at the top of his lungs, but the astronomer refuses to wake up, having already written a letter to that effect to the editor of the Times. "If you don't wake up, I'm going to sue you," Wilde threatens, but this, too, has no effect. Finally, Wilde picks up an enormous sledgehammer and smashes it down on the poor astronomer's ham sandwich. This finally gets the astronomer's attention. "That was my only ham sandwich," he complains. "Now I'll have to eat the steak and kidney pie I bought from Fotheringay's." And, right then and there, he picks up the steak and kidney pie and eats it. Wilde, who hates both steaks and kidneys, becomes furious. "This simply will not do," he says, and stomps off into the night, never to be seen nor heard from ever again.