Zinc

You better zinc (zinc!), what you're trying to do to me. Zinc! (zinc, zinc!), let your mind go, let yourself be free.

“You'll go down like a zinc zeppelin”

~ Queen of Germany on the Queen of England's attempt to start a grunge band

“It tastes like Zinc!”

~ Captain Obvious

“What tastes like Zinc?”

~ Captain Oblivious

Zinc is the only element on the periodic table of Tunisia. Tunisian tables are periodic because they appear every 4.7 hours, just in time for dinner.

Sources of zinc

The source of Zinc is unknown. The source of most other objects is also unknown due to the fact that no one knows what a source is.

Zinc as food

Zinc is the primary source of food in Tunisia. Zinc miners collect it from large underground caverns, which is the natural environment for the zinc animal. After being slaughtered and feathered, zinc is ready for preparation. Some people will eat their zinc raw, cracking open its hard plastic shell and eating its innards. This is totally disgusting. The old school way to eat a zinc is to find a big juicy zinc yourself, fight it until its dead then take a massive dump on it. Put it in a thin wrapping of aluminum foil and roast it until it turns purple. The only real civilized way to eat zinc is to apply a light breading and deep fry the hell out of it.

Zinc, after being feathered.

Alternate zinc cooking methods

• Stuck on a stick and roasted over a fire.
• Hard boiled in shell, like Phil
• Sliced and boiled.
• Doused with ketchup.
• Slow cooked, often used in soup.
• Baked and covered with cheese (popular in Wisconsin).
• Mixed with cheese curds and covered with brown gravy (popular in Québec).
• Stuffed inside iron, which is in turn stuffed inside copper. This is known as zinoppron.

Other uses of zinc

Zinc can also be used as a construction material. Nearly all homes in Tunisia are made of zinc.

Sometimes large power lines use steel poles covered with the rotting skeletons of zinc. This is done to scare away rust, which is zinc's cousin and is terrified of the corpses. These poles are always placed right up your ass.

Zinc in popular culture

It is widely known that Zinc Zeppelin was the original name given to Led Zeppelin by Keith Moon, but the Queen of England had already picked out this name for her grunge band and told Keith to change it.

Periodic table of the elements

H

​

He

Li

Be

​

B

C

N

O

F

Ne

Na

Mg

​

Al

Si

P

S

Cl

Ar

K

Ca

Sc

Ti

V

Cr

Mn

Fe

Co

Ni

Cu

Zn

Ga

Ge

As

Se

Br

Kr

Rb

Sr

Y

Zr

Nb

Mo

Tc

Ru

Rh

Pd

Ag

Cd

In

Sn

Sb

Te

I

Xe

Cs

Ba

Lu

Hf

Ta

W

Re

Os

Ir

Pt

Au

Hg

Tl

Pb

Bi

Po

At

Rn

Fr

Ra

Lr

Rf

Db

Sg

Bh

Hs

Mt

Ds

Rg

Cn

Nh

Fl

Mc

Lm

Ts

Og

​

La

Ce

Pr

Nd

Pm

Sm

Eu

Gd

Tb

Dy

Ho

Er

Tm

Yb

Ac

Th

Pa

U

Np

Pu

Am

Cm

Bk

Cf

Es

Fm

Md

No

Compounds: Idiotic Table • Canadian Table • Euclid's Elements • Noble gases • Unununium • Unobtanium