Free Epilepsy Test
As part of Uncyclopedia's commitment to good health and well being, apart from the bi-annual Uncyclopedia Health Fair and Possum Roast, a series of medical tests are being provided free to any and all who seek the most up to date Unmedical advice and diagnosis to date.
You may be asking yourself "who am I and what am I doing here."
Well, by visiting this article, you have indicated to the Unschooled, Unlicensed and Unregistered Uncyclopedia Unmedical Unfoundation that a self-directed Free Epilepsy Test is in order.
Before proceeding, please read the mandatory small print section. Failing to do this may fuck you up as nothing else in life is capable of doing.
Fine Print[edit]
By agreeing to take this test, you agree that you may be hypochondriac or in need of real medical treatments; either will grant you the attention you are craving. You also agree that you have read it and been warned that the Unschooled, Unlicensed and Unregistered Uncyclopedia Unmedical Unfoundation is not held liable for both your self-inflicted mania, and for any real or imagined damages that may result from the taking of this test. You also understand that if you smell burning toast, you could burn your house.
What to Expect[edit]
In a moment you will be asked to scroll down until you see a static image on the computer screen. Once you see the image, please move your head forward to the point where your nose touches the screen, and watch the image for an good ten seconds or so. If at anytime during this you get a metallic taste in your mouth, this is a good indication that something is awry.
You may begin scrolling....
Judging Your Results[edit]
Please choose the best answer that meets your immediate medical needs:
- If you are reading this text, you should have a mother fuck of a headache, but you are not an epileptic.
- If you are not reading this text, but have gone rigid and choked on you tongue, then in fact you should seek the advice of qualified doctor.
- If you are reading this text, but are sure that you still see something blinking very rapidly on the screen, there is a 99.9% chance that you are suffering from the most aggressive form of brain cancer ever detected in laboratory rats, and have 30 seconds to live.
In either event, good health you, and thank you for coming round.