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37,240 governments to overthrow
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Today's featured propaganda
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The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more.
John Addams was born on October 30, 1735 in Quincy, Massachusetts. However, creepily, he was not known as John Quincy Addams, as that would be the other one, who was not known as anything at the time. John was the son of a cordwainer, also named John and also not named Quincy. He was a Puritan, railing against libertinage and debauchery. And he was a Federalist. All pretty creepy, at least the archaic verbiage. (more...)
Previously featured article – Finnish sauna
The Sauna (pronounced SOW-NAH), or "Really Hot Place Containing Naked People" is a Finnish invention that many nations (i.e. Russia) falsely claim to have invented (See liar),[1] It was first recorded in the year 1050 B.C (Before cookies) by the Sosumi people in the Arctic Circle as a range of sounds to use everytime they hooked in a seal for dinner. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that he who hesitates is lost?
- ... but you should look before you leap?
- ... that due to the recent and highly successful reforms in education, grammar studies isn't need anymore?
- ... turtles can run at top speeds of 87 miles per hour, but only in short bursts?
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In the news
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On this day...
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April 23: Bring Your Penis To Work Day, Don't Leave Your Buttcheeks at Work Day
- 303 - St. George takes his penis to beat the dragon with. Dragon turns out to be into that kinda stuff.
- 1179 - Richard the Lionhearted attempts to engage King Philip of France in a penis sword fight; "Homo you don't!" replies Philip.
- 1538 - Truce of Nice: Emperor Charles V and Francis I of France agree that the terms foreskin and prepuce are interchangeable.
- 1562 - Elizabeth I vows not to take a penis to work, or her bed chamber.
- 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis; decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as "Naughty Mr. Johnson".
- 1905 - The Royal Society compare penis sizes. Von Lynchenstein has the largest penis.
- 1909 - Czarina Alexandra beholds Rasputin's penis and won't let go.
- 1941 - Lead singer from Lordi enters a beauty contest against a penis; penis wins.
- 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon the penis the title of Sir.
- 1967 - Bono is voted the "World's Biggest Penis".
- 1982 - ZX Spectrum is released to the public, its keyboard made completely of recycled condoms.
- 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the White House.
- 2005 - The B-lizard's penis freezes and falls off. Adventure Quest is voted the best game ever made by stoners.
- 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox. You get teased the rest of the day.
- 2009 - Tiger Woods brings his penis all over the place, including a Perkins Restaurant.
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To whom it may concern: I am writing to you today regarding Mr. Nydas, who I understand is applying for a position at your institution. Mr. Nydas is one of the most inspiring students I have ever had the p LOLOLOLOL PENNIS THE MENACE IS MY FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG LOL LOL WHOAAAAA THEEEEESE IZ KOOL, Y'ALLS leasure to instruct; though deaf, blind, mute and crippled from birth, he has managed to overcome his circumstances and express himself eloquently through his writing. His essays and stories are for him an adventure, an escape from the terribly unfortunate and hopeless reality of his life. Though he knows he is unlikely to survive the next four years, he remains irrepressibly cheerful and determined to become a famous author of children's books. You and I know this will never happen, but when he turns to you with his empty eyes, his face tragically wasted by leprosy, one cannot but root for him in his battle with the cruel, cruel world.
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